REV. GOSPEL BLIMP
By Steve Van Nattan
Best viewed at 1024 x 768
As you may have noticed, I have dropped much of the blast against
wickedness in preachers. The young warriors need to take that up
I think. But, I felt I should keep this article up and emphasize the need
for Fundamental Bible believing pastors to deal with their fat. It is
interesting that readers keep writing in hate against the editorial at
this site. They totally miss the massive positive content, and they
come here and get their overweight nose out of joint. So be it.
Are you a big fatty? If so, you are not cute. You are a rebel.
I don't care how big your Sunday School is, or how many notches you have carved on your gun. You are living in open rebellion against God. Maybe this discussion will help you deal with it finally.
I knew a preacher in Michigan who was a sloppy fat blubber ball. He waddled around like a pregnant duck. He had a cover story, perpetuated by his church members, that he had a "metabolism problem." One day, after doing some shopping for my wife on my way home, I stopped at McDonald's for coffee and fries. I got my food and was going to find a seat when I saw this preacher. He looked at me rather sheepishly, and I stopped to say hello. I also noticed he had three Big Macs in front of him, and he was alone. I than realized what his "metabolism problem" was. For you not living in the USA, a Big Mac is a huge hamburger in a bun with all the extras.
This preacher was nick named Jabba The Hut by some in the community. How would you like a nick name like that? People in the community do NOT have nice things to say about fat preachers. Most preachers have soft hands and are not very physically tough anyway, so the big belly simply calls for derision at the local cafe by the unsaved good old boys and farmers. I once saw Jack Hyles perform. Afterwards, I got up close and watched him. Every movement and comment was choreographed to make Hyles look special. I looked at his hands. They were soft, pale, and lady like. His pot belly finished off the image.
Many fat preachers make jokes about their blubber. "All the fat belongeth to the Lord," they say. Blasphemy. What a crass way to use the Word of God to make a joke out of their incontinence with food. There is another fat boy preacher who is known as a great comedian. He gets up to preach, and he has the congregation roaring with laughter at his routine and one liners, and then this slow belly tries to get serious and preach the Word of God. Bah!
Friend, you can hide some sin from your fellow Christian for a while. You can hide adultery for a while. You can hide lying and stealing sometimes. You can hide cruelty to your wife and kids until your friends one day see the black and blue marks. But, you cannot hide that big belly of yours. It goes through the door first, and it screams, "I am living in defeat."
What will your big belly get you?
This list is directly mainly at pastors, but it applies to all saints.
THE WICKED SOUL OF A FAT PREACHER
The preacher and his men stand around the foyer after the service tossing knives and trashing women who have abortions, woman who have babies for ADC money, AND the preacher looks like he is pregnant and ready to have triplets.
The folks chat around the noon mean about the evils of indulging in wine, drugs, and tobacco, while the preacher shovels down his second plate, pressed down, shaken together, and running over with carbohydrates.
The preacher lashes out in the pulpit against those other churches in town which have no standards with music, dress, and pornography. Yet this preacher has carefully eliminated any discussion of gluttony from his sermons in deference to his big belly. He calls you down to the altar to repent of sin, and he has to do a major balancing act to step down one step from the platform.
The world, and all the Liberal preachers in town, are laughing you to scorn, preacher. They know you are not a whit different in your lust for food than their people are in the area of booze and sexual appetite. In fact, if they have a shrink in their midst, he will assure them that you have a problem with sex because of your belly, and he will be right. The fat sheiks of Arabia, and the fat chiefs of Africa, have been historically famous for having young naked boys around the throne at all times.
The worst part of this picture is this-- Your belly tells every lost hell bound dope head and crack dealer that there really is no hope in Jesus Christ. Jesus really does not demand holiness, and anyway, if the crack head does long for deliverance, Jesus cannot deliver YOU from Krispy Kream donuts, so how can he deliver him from crack?
The world takes your lead preacher, and they indulge in their sin with the hope that "someday I will get right." Your talk, about every three months, about losing weight, is no more serious than the dope head or drunk saying, "I can quit anytime I want to." Your "metabolism problem" is their "back pain" problem. The alibi is exactly the same, and so is the sin.
So, the lost go to hell content that you are not having victory, and they won't either. Oh, you will repent and lose 100 pounds in short order after your first stroke or heart attack. But, by then, many sinners will have passed on into hell, having used you as their example of self-indulgence.
There are some folks who know me rather well who know that I know that they know that they are out of control and don't give a damn. They will hate me for this article, and they may very well be lost and damned to hell. A born again Bible believer gets under conviction of sin sooner of later. These people don't, and all over America, even the world, are Fundamental KJV Only Bible thumpers, who do NOT give a damn if their belly makes asses of the rest of us.
I have had one, only one, preacher write and tell me he took the challenge of my diet plan and shucked off weight. By the way, he was Black. White Anglo Saxons are arrogant cussed fools about their bellies. They think they are cute. Indeed, I have observed that big fat preachers actually use their huge presence to command the moment in preacher's gatherings and in conversation with other men.
Last thought: Do you know why you cannot find a fat blimp of a preacher at a local cafe with publicans and sinners? Answer: He would bust the chair and have the whole place roaring with laughter. He would be the byword of the town for years. His defeat with gluttony screams out, "I am defeated and Jesus cannot change anyone." Sinners love fat preachers because they make them comfortable with their own sin.
It is time for you fat preachers, and your fat church family, to remodel the church, for you ARE the Church. Jesus is the Head of a big fat failure, if you are the standard.
in the Bible is the number of fruit or fruitfulness.
Here are the nine fruits of fat:
1. Your belly will get you a church full of losers. People who are addicted to tobacco or alcohol or drugs will love you because you clearly cannot talk about self-control. Misery loves company, and you are real good company to a chewbacca boy. He knows you will NEVER say a word about his lack of self-control.
2. Your belly will get you a heart attack early so that you cannot finish your work for the Lord. Like Samson, you are sinning in the present continuous tense (for you Greek scholars), and one day you will have a stroke or massive heart attack, and your destiny, at best, will be to be called "pastor emeritus" as you sit and listen to the man who follows you in the pulpit.
3. Your belly will get you a lousy sex life. If your wife is also fat, which frequently is the case, you know very well what I mean. If one of you is fat and the other slim, the slim one will always be fighting the temptation to look in lust at someone other than the fatty. When you are fat, you are tempting your spouse to sin, either to join you in becoming a blimp like you, or in looking for strange flesh.
4. Your big belly will get you kids with big bellies, and your daughter will not be able to find a mature and self-controlled man. The young man who marries a fat girl is desperate for some reason. You fat son will make his future wife miserable, unless he marries a fat girl on the basis that misery loves company.
5. Your belly will get you left behind. You cannot go with the youth on a hike. You cannot go fishing with a deacon because you might capsize the boat and drown. You cannot join a jogger and talk. You cannot even sit in any chair nearby and talk to sinners about their soul. Nothing is more disgusting than to see a preacher sit down, start talking about Jesus, and collapse in a pile of shattered wood on the floor. If you are older, people will understand if you have physical limitations, but if you are 45 years old and dragging around 100 extra pounds, people will NOT understand. They will judge you. You can teach them not to judge, but they will not be able to control their minds with your fat. In fact, I notice that fat preachers design church activities that allow for them to be fat and not look too foolish. How pathetic!
6. This is very serious, and I added it after this article was first posted. Dr. Peter Ruckman, who admittedly has troubles of his own, has said that if a man is over 40 pounds overweight, he has other serious problems also. One is in the area of sexual lust. Your sex life is limited by your belly, and you will be tempted to find other releases for your sexual energy. If your wife is also heavy, she will buy romance novels and watch soaps. She will also bury herself in works outside the home. You, sir, will chase whores or porn. You will have a deep concern for troubled women because troubled women will accept sympathy from where ever they can get it.
7. The worst issue is this-- You cannot go to war. I once went with a deacon to deal with a fellow who was possessed of devils. He was about 23 years old and husky. We went out on the porch with him and started talking about the Lord Jesus and how he could deliver this fellow. The guy gradually became distracted and began to breath deeper and deeper. Finally, he was breathing like a gorilla and glaring at us in rage. The deacon told me he was having some heart palpitations, and we suggested we needed to leave and get more prayer going in the battle. We had to leave in a hurry, quoting verses on the Blood of Jesus as we retreated. I hate to think what would have happened if we had been waddling away slowly dragging a big belly. The guy's friend came along just as we got into the car, and he pounded on the window and wanted to thrash us. Later, we did get the battle in array better, and the fellow was delivered and born again. You are supposed to be a warrior. You preach it, and you talk about setting aside every weight which and sin which doth so easily beset us, but you refuse to set aside YOUR weight. You rebel. You are not a warrior. You cannot get the armor on because it won't fit. Your belly shows. You are a target. No army will let a rolly polly fat boy near the battle. He will get other soldiers, and himself, killed. Hebrews 12:1
8. One more matter is rather obvious to me from observation. Fat preachers have a problem with rage. They are out of control, and when a saint does not agree with them on an issue, their shame for being a big fatty causes them to be defensive and angry with such people. This happens even though the person may have no problem with the preacher's weight issues. You, sir, are very likely a man of wrath. Oh, you hide it in public, to be sure, but in private ways you take revenge on all who disagree with you, and especially on those who leave your church fellowship. Your wife and you will one day be filled, without measure, with hate for a long list of people. This hate will eventually consume you, and Bible believers will discern that you are a fraud. The mighty men and the godly women will slip away one by one, and you will be left with a bunch of limping babies for a congregation.
One pastor's wife has, in great rage, told several people, "I hate so and so." This is
demonic talk and very unbecoming from a pastor's wife. One over weight pastor
nearly got into a shoot out with a man who trespassed on his property, yet the
pastor bragged from the pulpit that God had delivered him of a rage problem.
Really? At some point along the way, you will become possessed OF devils. I did
not say BY devils. The devil never owns a saint, but it is clear in the Bible, as with
Peter, that a devil can take control of your mind and mouth. One day a devil will
be doing all the talking for you as you learn to hate others instead of control your
appetite. Matt. 16:21-23
9. Finally, your belly will get you laughed at. You will be a byword and a joke to
many immature saints, and you will be a frustration to mature saints. You have no
right to make a pest of yourself and claim, at the same time, that you are given to
the church to bless them. I have also noticed that over weight evangelists tend to
be comedians. People laugh better at fat preachers, so these men adapt to this
profane art and turn their ministry into a goon show.
If you refuse to repent....................
Here is God's opinion on the Gospel blimp:
Dear Bro Steve,
I am that mom of eleven that recently wrote you. Well, I can only steal away to read here occasionally. My husband and I read your articles together. Everytime we return to your site, we seem to have just witnessed what you are exposing, and what we ourselves were questioning!
For instance, we just sang at a local church's homecoming. The guest preacher was a well known evangelist (? not to us) who read Hebrews "Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily doth beset us..."
"Now that doesn't mean the physical weight, folks, because I weigh 374 lbs! And if it meant physical weight, I'd be in trouble! But the scripture is talking about things that weigh you down spiritually!...."
This was interesting, as we recently visited acquaintances who homeschool, like us. The place was utterly filthy (by anyone's standards) though they have five able bodied teens who could easily keep the place up. The experience made a grave impression on us, and I brought it up for discussion among the ladies group at church.
I mentioned the scripture's admonitions toward cleanliness and the condemnation of filthiness and applied it to our house keeping. I was amazed how many argued that the bible is speaking of "spiritual cleanliness". I pointed out that you cannot claim to understand the spiritual truth of the verse if you do not understand the literal truth, first! (filthy-bad, clean- good! )
It seems we have folks who are spiritual giants (literally) without a lick of (what used to be called) common sense. BTW- is obesity hereditary? Because the wife and two children were also supersized.
Also, have you ever seen a man that big in pants without a suit jacket? Many times I have heard preachers scold that pants on women leave nothing to the imagination. My husband and I have concluded that men as well as women can be obscene, but only women are scolded from the pulpit about it.
Well, there it is. The Word of God has plenty to say about our lust to serve our bellies. I must say, many of us are not blubber balls, but we are ten, twenty, or thirty pounds over weight. We buy loose hanging suits to conceal what we know is a problem. Some of us even preach against the sin of gluttony and speak of our own personal problem, even asking for prayer to overcome it.
So, what is the issue? In the Western cultures, it is the fork. Just lay it down sooner my dear diddle head. You don't need the latest trick diet to get the fat off. Just stop shoveling the carbs into your face. To you in the Asian and equatorial cultures, pull your hand out of the dish sooner. It is as simple as that. Many people in developing nations have the notion that a big belly is a sign or prosperity. That is of the devil. It is NOT God's idea. You better get your cultural ideas under the authority of the Word of God.
What about snacks? When famine and lack of food are replaced, in any nation, by some level of prosperity, snack food becomes popular, even an addiction. So, snack on things that don't make you fat. Bangers and chips, Big Mac and fries, and the handy dandy candy bar are making a fool of you. Carry something healthy and satisfying. Beef jerky in the USA, raw herring in Amsterdam, and roasted meat in Nairobi. All cities and cultures have snacks that don't kill you if you just go to a little trouble.
Is your house full of fat food? How about having a burning?
In Africa, when I was a kid, my Dad, who was a missionary, used to go off with the church leaders from time to time to a "burning." This followed a sinner getting saved, and preceded baptism. The church leaders would ask the new believer, in their village, to find all their fetishes. The new believer would have to take some off which they were wearing. They would dig others out of the thatched roof. Others might have to be dug up where they were buried in the ground. These fetishes would be piled up and set on fire while the men stood around and sang Power in The Blood. Wild things often happened, and the new believer was sometimes attacked physically by devils at this time. The victory of this event was powerful and final. YOU preacher, my dear fat friend, do YOU need to have a "burning"? Have you got your stashes all over the place, at the house, in the office, in the car, in the golf bag, out in the barn. How about rounding up your sin supply and burning it out back of the house? Or, feed it to your trash can.
By the way, this article is not just for preachers. I don't care who you are. If you are born again, and if you are a big fatty, man or lady, girl or boy, 5 or 95, you are NOT blessing your Savior with that big belly.
A word here to teen agers. If you have a great load of weight on, you are not very good to look at, and you are already heading for an early heart attack. You will find it hard to win a spouse who has self-control. Please get the fat off. Ask your pastor or his wife for help. If your pastor is a big blubber ball, find a real pastor please. Your pastor is a loser. He is just going to let you stay fat and defeated. Go find a church where the pastor has self-control. I want to see you find a spouse who helps you live in victory, not defeat.
If you need to talk, SEND MAIL.
Some people are fat and defeated because they are not born again. I believe I know some pastors who are not born again, and one reason I believe that is that they lie and cover for their run away appetite. Liars don't go to heaven. Certainly, we go to I John 1:9 and confess sin, and He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, BUT he also wants to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So, if you hide in I John 1:9, why is God not cleansing you of your lust for food? No victory, and you cover for it? You like your sin? You, sir, are NOT born again. Will you go to hell for Krispy Kream donuts?
you who are slim and trim: Do you think your self-control with your appetite makes
you more spiritual? If you think that way, you have another problem. You think more
highly of yourself than you ought to think. Take heed lest you fall in some other area,
such as playing the dude with the ladies and destroying your testimony with adultery.
Also, stop helping your fat friends make jokes about their problem in order to take
away the urgency of their problem. Two things are evil in dealing with a fat friend.
First, do not feed them food that will make them fat as if you are doing them a
Second, do not make light of the problem to reduce its seriousness.
Now, let's all of us go do the right thing.
James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
COMMNETARY FROM THE WEB
"The Bible says that gluttony is a sin. But when I watch overweight preachers on TV Sunday morning they speak only of the other six deadly sins. Why? Because in America, fat is sacred." An unrighteous web writer mocking our side.
"I think it is strange that in Acts there are four areas where we are told to be obedient and that three of the four deal with food and only one of the four deals with sex. Yet how many radical right overweight preachers dwell on the sex issue and try to lead their overweight followers to do the same." Another web based complaint
"A few years back I was at youth camp listening to an overweight man preach against the evils of smoking, and during the sermon he reminded another overweight preacher in the audience of their trips to McD's and the vast amount of fast food they had put away at a single sitting, all in a braggadocious manner. I think it would have more impact if he had admitted this particular weakness and stressed the need for continued vigilance. Instead he came across, in my view, as a hypocrite." Online Forum
"Why don't we just say that preachers who are overweight are disqualified from ministry. I mean can you just limit what they can preach against to drinking and smoking. Just kick 'em out of the ministry - that's what they deserve." Online Forum
imagine that no church would allow a preacher who had a glass of wine with lunch,
especially if the alcohol is still on his breath, behind the pulpit. However,
every Sunday there are an almost innumerable number of grossly overweight preachers
said it well. One of the things I have only heard preached on once was gluttony.
When I was a young Christian I saw so many fat preachers and really was confused
about what it was. I am ashamed to associate with fat preachers. I grew up with
arentgs who are non-believers and would hear comments about some preacher on TV
that was way overweight. I often got the feeling by the comments that who was
that preacher to tell someone how to live when he was fat as a pig. I grew up
on a dairy farm. We worked hard and those preachers gave the image of being lazy
and in need of exercise. My parents drilled in us the value of having food. We
never wasted food. They grew up poor and had little. Then to see a fat preacher
just drove a wedge between what they saw and what they heard. But when I became
a pastor that was like the end of the world. We got a number of letters describing
the ills of pastoring from those non-believers."
is a church or two on every corner, but the communities are in shambles. Life
is short and especially short if you have diabetes and cancer. Many fat preachers
are in the pulpit and weigh in over 400 lbs, but you can tell me about my sin
lust of the flesh but you get to chow down on hog backs with cornbread. And you
(COGIC) Look like hypocrites to the rest of God’s Children. I dare you to find
the real truth to challenge and question everything you have been taught. Seek
God for yourself. I dare you. But it is too convient to rely on the Pasta’. Call
me the truth"
a bulletin board discussing if masturbation is sin or not, the following logic
was used in defense of masturbation being OK:
is more than ready to throw rocks at the drunk but what about the fat folks? I
personally have a real issue with people, christians in particular, who are significantly
overweight. It is a sign of a lack of self discipline. I can't stand to listen
to a fat preacher. I've heard all of the excuses, the
GOOD YEAR HAS NOTHING ON THESE BOYS
THE DEMS ARE MOCKING THE PUBS FOR BEING FAT
On the left is the blimp, Newt Gingrich. Indeed, a big fatty. Looks like a Fundmental Baptist preacher. But, which Baptist Convention does Teddy the Dem fatty on the right belong to? :-)
Lest you think I jest carelessly about fat Baptists,
consider Herr Hindenburg from Lynchburg, VA:
Proverbs 23:1 When thou sittest to eat with a ruler, consider diligently what is before thee:
2 And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite.
That might solve a lot of problems, right?
Photo of the Goodyear Blimp above is courtesy of the city of St. Petersburg.
READ ONE PASTOR'S CONFESSION AND REPENTANCE
UNCLE STEVE'S DIET PLAN
BACK TO THE WAR ROOM
BACK TO MORAL ISSUES MENU
BACK TO OPENING PAGE OF THE JOURNAL