Words we use and ought not, like shandilya shundai, shakhina, luck, minced oaths, obscure words
the Editor: Balaam's Ass Speaks--
Steve Van Nattan
Is it critically important what words we use? If we avoid filthy innuendoes and profaning God's Name, isn't that enough? Can't we just ignore those little indiscretions?
Consider what Jesus said: Matthew 12:36, "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." In the text the "thy" is "you" singular-- yes saint, YOU!
Also, look at the witness of Scripture to the words of Samuel: 1 Samuel 3:19 "And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground." Your words can sound humanly pleasant, but they can still be worthless to the Lord.
For this reason it seemed good to me that we should all consider our words. I have included a pretty good selection, but, in the coming days, you should continue to search for words which you will then drop from use. May God bless you as you follow the counsel of Brother James who said: James 3:2, "For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body..."
I am going to discuss some rather rough things along the way. Please don't allow this page to be read by children under thirteen years of age. The American social decay is such that we have to deal with things that would not have been found in the Lord's Church fifty years ago. Times have changed, and we better start talking like the Bride, not the Whore (Revelation 17).
If you are using either of the first two following words, you, like Peter, are speaking the very words of Satan. Consider:
1. Shandilyamai Shundai-
These are the single two most common buzz words used by Charismatics during tongues speaking sessions. I first heard R.W. Shambaugh use them in the days of radio preaching. These two words are often interjected in a preaching time like the Old Testament word, "Selah." They give the impression that the speaker is on the razor edge of full power, and he can hardly keep from lapsing into full blown tongues speaking.
You will never find anyone who has interpreted the above words or heard an interpretation. Since I wrote that last statement, someone will no doubt come up with an interpretation, but my claim still stands. I have asked around, and Charismatics can't give an interpretation for Shandilyamai Shundai.
Therefore; I shall interpret the words, and it will not be by the "gift of interpretation." I shall use my research into Vedanta Hinduism, epigraphic evidences from the Middle East, the King James Bible, and consultations with five informed Hindus from India. What follows will terrify a truly born again Charismatic, or old time Pentecostal, who really loves Jesus Christ and the King James Bible.
Shandilyamai is derived from two concepts within the Hindu Vedanta word:
Shandilyavedya- Which we will break into two root words:
Shandilya Vedya- Which we will define from my Vedanta dictionary (published in India) and the response of the five Hindus from India whom I consulted:
Shandilya- Means, "In praise of the ideal glory of..."
This is the meditation aspect of the word. The Hindu mystic goes through massive destruction of the conscious mind so that only "pure" unconsciousness remains. Some people call this demon possession. So, the thought, "In praise of the ideal glory of..." must be understood in the light of the Hindu mind.
Vedya- "The Brahman consciousness." So the whole word means:
Shandilyavedya- "In praise of the ideal glorious Brahman mind."
Well, you can see that the Charismatic buzz word ends with "mai" rather than with "Vedya." So, we must find out what the "mai" ending means. Again, from my Vedanta dictionary and five Hindu consultants:
Meeya- The female goddess / mother. When I talked to one educated Hindu, she told me that the "mai" on the end of "shandilyamai" was a mother goddess, "Just like your Mary..." She thought that I was a Roman Catholic because I told her I was a Christian. There is another Vedanta Hindu word possible:
Maya- This is "ILLUSION." ALL Hindus want to get to the point in meditation where they become one with the Brahman, and earthly things become 100% illusion..
We can now define Shandilyamai, and you have two choices on the next Lord's Day:
Shandilyameeya- "In praise of the ideal glorious mother goddess." In Hinduism that would be blood thirsty Kali, the terror of all Hindus. OR:
Shandilyamaya- "In praise of the effulgent ideal illusive unconsciousness in the Brahman." Any of you who have studied the New Age will clearly understand the ramifications of this notion.
The "mai" on the end of the Charismatic buzz word has simply deteriorated so that it is hard to be sure which Hindu ending is the correct one. Every one of the Hindus I talked to was convinced that "Shandilyamai" was Vedanta Hindu in origin. I did not tell them the context of the use so that they would be willing to talk to me. Also, I did not want to give Christ's enemies cause to blaspheme. The fact that many Charismatic leaders use these words is very timely for our consideration.
All five of my Hindu consultants felt that the word was exaltation of the goddess Kali. Read that again please.
This word comes up thoBlipnds of times in Charismatic circles, and by the most respected leading lights of the movement. This situation give substance to claims that devils are ruling the "worship" and "tongues" sessions of these dear people. I did not say they were unsaved, but anyone who exalts Kali, or the Brahman mind, in a Bible believing gathering HAS to be under demonic control. Why? Because they have gotten so comfortable with this blasphemy that it is never interpreted. God's Spirit ALWAYS interprets a "tongue."
I had one Assembly of God pastor tell me, "Well, the Hindus stole it from us." Wrong! This Vedanta word, "Shandilyavedya" and the words, "Maya" and "Meeya" were in common use in 700 BC by the Isa Upanishads- possibly as early as 1000 BC.
If you have used this word in God's face, claiming that it came from the Holy Ghost, you have no way out of this mess except to fall on your knees (not "slain" on your backside), and confess your foul words to God. He will forgive you. I John 1:9
Now you have a real problem. Are you going to let this blasphemy go on in your assembly? Perhaps this learning experience will encourage you to move from the devilish temple of emotional frenzy which you attend, and join one of the many house churches springing up. Many Charismatics are doing this today.
What about the word "Shundai?" This almost always goes after "Shandilyamai." I have yet to learn its meaning. I have been told by several Hindus that it is probably Sanskrit because its ending agrees grammatically with "Shandilyamai." I would be very interested to learn if someone finds out what it means. Send INTERNET E-Mail to email@example.com. I have a strong suspicion that it is sexually explicit since the Hindus I consulted all felt that the goddess ending was the most logical one. All Hindu goddess cults are sexual.
Once confronted with these facts from Hinduism, any Charismatic who will not be cleansed from these words must be considered a heretic, unsaved, and he must be placed under the Anathema in the Lord's Church. This is the charitable thing to do.
If you ever hear the words, "Manisola" or "Shamballa" during tongues speaking sessions, check out their origin.
2. Shakhina (I am using a literal Middle Eastern spelling)-
Now, this word must be considered by all of us, including you Fundamental Baptists. This word is supposed to be the blip word for the "glory" or presence of God, especially in the tabernacle. We have been told for years, even by the majority of "scholars" in the seminaries, that this is the correct definition.
It is also used to describe the pillar of cloud and fire that accompanied the blips in the wilderness. The word has been brought, without question, into the modern Church vocabulary to describe the power of the Holy Ghost in the Church and the believer. It is often associated with tongues / healing / slain in the Spirit sessions of the Charismatic, but we Baptists have also used it extensively during revivals and prayer meetings, with an exalted trembling voice.
One dear pastor brother of mine has quite a ministry casting devils out of saints and sinners. Much deliverance seems to come to many through his zeal in Christ. But, when I showed him this business about Shakhina, he rebelled at once. He told me to get more research. He insisted on keeping the word, then later he rebuked me for roughing up heretics in plain English. I fear that a devil he sent out of someone has returned to prey on him as Satan did with Peter.
Shakhina is the word used in the Cabbala for the wife of Elohim. The pagan Babylonian blips, who refused to return to Judah, put together a blasphemous alternative to the Torah in the Cabbala in which they gave Elohim a wife. He was said to be married to Shakhina, but He left her, and He is now "shacking up" with Lilith, the wife of Lucifer. When Elohim gets tired of Lilith, He will go back to Shakhina, and the Messianic age will be the result. If you are familiar with the Minor Prophets, you will see the exquisite blasphemy of Satan in this story.
Are you enjoying the story of Shakhina so far? Raphael Patai (unsaved blipish and Middle Eastern historian and scholar), in his book, The Seed of Abraham, Pub. Scribners, reports how the European blip include this devilish tale in their prayer books. These pagan blip blips, in prayer, beg Elohim to leave Lilith and return to Shakhina. This story is also the basis of the doctrine of Freemasonry as set forth by Supreme Pontiff Albert Pike in his book, Morals and Dogma, Royal Arch Degree, which is THE authoritative manual of doctrine for Freemasonry. Pike got it from the Cabbala. Where did you and I get it?
The word Shakhina is NOT found in the Bible. Check it out.
Do you say, "Oh no, how can this be? You are making it all up." Pay attention now. In the blip Old Testament, no word for the divine, or any grammatical modifying word associated with the divine, especially Elohim, is EVER feminine. Shakhina is feminine.
If you claim to know anything about biblical languages, the above fact will settle the matter for you-- unless you are a no good four flusher of a cemetery "scholar." If you persist in using this filthy word, Shakhina, curses and hell fire to you. You are the most wicked of blasphemers. Go fill up the cup of God's wrath.
Now, more positively, just get down on your knees and confess your sin. When I discovered this business about Shakhina, I cried before the Lord for quite a while. I felt like such a fool. I had been blabbering for years about "the Shakhiiiiiiina glory." But, the precious blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin. I John 1:9.
This discussion shows what you can expect as we go along. If you are faint hearted about getting right, well, pitch this book right now. It gets rougher.
3. Tact- Tact is nowhere taught in the Bible. Tact is the art of never offending anyone, and, saint, you are CALLED to be an offense. I Peter 2:7-8; Titus 2:1. Never tell you kids to, "Be tactful." Tell them to, "Be like Jesus."
4. Lucky- My daughter found that this word has Old English origin in the word "Lucifer." When we say we are lucky, we are robbing God of "the Glory due unto His Name." We are attributing the events of our life to blind chance and the tender mercies of Lucifer. How exquisitely stupid! You are not "lucky," you are "blessed." Psalm 16:6; Romans 8:28.
5. Act of God- When the media reports something that went well, they give the glory to politicians, humanists, evolution, the ascended masters, or themselves, but when a hurricane or earthquake hits, well, it is an, "Act of God."
This makes God the boogie man, as if God is in the business of thumping us all the time, and we are in the business of getting our own blessings. Stop using this term. The acts of God should bring our praise. Psalms 106:2; Psalms 145:4; Psalms 150:2
6. Fortunate- This word comes from the goddess Fortuna. She was the Italian goddess who was associated with chance and good luck. Earlier, she was the fertility goddess associated with the reproduction and production of good crops. You, saint, are NOT fortunate, right? Psalms 16:7; Psalms 103:1-4
7. Sanctuary- This is the term we erroneously give to a room where the Body of Christ meets. It is derived from the Latin word, sanctus, and means "holy place." There is no physical room or building on earth which is holy or sacred. There is a "sacral" room in Rome-- Saint Peter's Basilica. (In this study, "Sacral" is a word used for that which is holy in Christendom at large but blasphemy to Christ.) The word Basilica comes from Basilisk, the snake god of Greece. I like that. I agree. It is Papa Roma's snake pit numero uno- Sanctus, Sanctus!
But we have no holy room. The Holy Spirit has taken "sanctuary" in the saint who is a new creature in Christ-- nowhere else! The physical world, and the sinner, are Satan's sanctuaries, and the only time they are not is in any place where the saints gather to worship. Still, only the saints remain sacred or holy, not the room!
"Oh, that's not so important," you say. You are a wimp if you keep refusing to get your mouth right. When did Jesus use meaningless and fictitious terms? Why should you get diplomatic immunity-- you are HIS ambassador. II Cor. 5:17-20
8. Eucharist- The word means "praise." It is absolutely NOT a biblical word for the Lord's Supper. It is a "sacral" Roman Catholic word for the Mass. Don't ever use it of the Communion of the saints.
9. Altar- We have no altar. An altar is a "sacral" place for a sacrifice. Our Sacrifice is finished. He, The Lord Jesus Christ, is at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us.
If your church has a piece of furniture which is clearly designed to look like an altar, burn it. On second thought, it would make a fine buffet in the fellowship hall, IF you cover it to conceal its origin. It would also make a fine coffin in which to bury some TVs, pornography, and rock music.
10. Liturgy- Liturgies are formal strategies of worship. The Roman Church uses big gold edged books to guide the empty headed priests along in the Mass and other alleged worship. The Protestant church uses "Order of Worship Number 6." Many Fundamental churches have a de facto liturgy. You can tell if you try to take the offering at a different time during "the service." If they rebel, you have liturgy.
Cure? Revival and a good old fashioned shouting singing worship time (non-charismatic type). Get the liturgical saints to sing for 30 or 40 minutes every time you assemble. Pretty soon they won't have liturgy. Or, you will be voted out. If so, go start a real church.
11. Beer- A can opener is NOT a "key to the church." Why do saints retain these bar room words from the old life? Does some nut think they are funny? If so, is he or she really saved? When pouring the root beer, do you ask. "Does anyone want a beer?" Why? What's funny about beer drinking? Are you getting lonely for the bar?
12. Pot Luck- As you can see from the discussion of "lucky" above, this is the wrong term. How about, "pot providence," or just, "church dinner." It matters. Colossians 4:6, "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." Get some salt into your church dinner.
13. Tithe- Not in the New Testament. Preacher, if you cannot teach the saints to give sacrificially without running back to Moses' law, you ought to resign. This is a great fault of Fundamental Baptist preachers. They have one foot in the Church Age and one foot in the Law for insurance. Why are some of their churches so poor? Answer-- The folks have never moved on from Law to Grace in regard to giving.
14. Mood- Moods are for soap operas. The word implies that I shall decide how I feel. The true saint has no moods-- he has only joy. 1 Peter 1:8, "Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:" "In the Mood" is for Tommy Dorsey fans, not for you.
15. Personality- There are said to be four basic personalities-- according to the shrink community. The four personalities are based on the old nature as it manifests itself. I am sick of seeing new believers left in the grubby old personality they had before they were saved.
The tight lipped good old boy needs to learn to shout. The neurotic "Type A" needs to learn to rest in the Lord. Stop pandering to this filthy sex maniac, Sigmund Freud and his Minrith and Meier altar boys. Romans 15:6, "That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 1:10, "Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." Philippians 2:5, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:"
Trash the old personality, and be like Jesus.
16. "My Word" "My goodness"- This is a direct piano help on the Word of God. It is exalting ME and MY words. It appeals to SELF. Bobby Sham Schuler would be delighted with your word, but the Lord Jesus Christ isn't. Matthew 4:4, "But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Your word or His?
"My goodness" exalts my virtue above all God's goodness. You say, "Oh my, I didn't mean it that way." So what? You will not be judged by what you MEAN. You will be judged by your WORDS.
17. Gee, Geez, Gee Whiz, Golly, Gosh, Gor, Lord have mercy, Oh my God- All of these, and others not here, are expletives. The ones using god's name directly are not acceptable because they are not used to exalt Him. They are used to vent frustration, possibly AT God.
The words "Gee" and "Geez" are a substitute for Jesus, "Gee Whiz" for Jesus' whiskers, "Golly" is for God, as is "Gosh," and, "Gor" and "be'Gor" (by God) are more common in England, and are a substitute for God. If you say, "Well, I don't mean them that way," so what? That's how the world uses them. If you continue to use them, now that you know they are subtle blasphemies, then you are guilty, whether you think so or not.
Also, we need to avoid blasphemies used by Roman Catholics. Even though we have no reverence for their Mary and Peter, when we use "Sanca Madonna," "For Pete's sake," or "Sacre Blue," we are signaling them that we are blasphemers within their context. How can we then lead them to Christ after establishing this verbal standard?
18. "Cripe," "Crimey," "Criminey"-- These are minced oaths for Christ. Don't tell me otherwise. These words were invented by Christ haters who were self-conscious about outright blaspheming of Him. Why join them in their agnostic assault on His holy Name?
19. Butt- This word was non-existent in the vocabulary of saints in the 1950s. It was a vulgar word-- profane, and a word of the sleazy crowd. Why has it gained common respectability? Answer-- We gave way to the lower nature in America. "Butt Head" is a proper title used by the grubby Hollywood mob, and parents who let their kids feast on this TV garbage deserve the tears they shed years later when Billy comes home talking like a walking Waste King.
No doubt, you can think of many other low class words we use. It is time we raise the standard of language. Ephesians 5:6, "Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience."
20. "I was all screwed up"- We now hear this even from ladies and girls. It literally means, "I was having sexual intercourse." To "screw" is for a man to insert his penis in the woman. There, saint, is your easy going blabber in plain English.
It is just as gross for a man to use it because what he is doing is trying to dirty and break down the minds of the women in the vicinity so that he can indeed one day "screw" them. I piano coversned you-- this study is meant to cut you deep so that you will stop your stupid talk and glorify God.
21. "I was all pissed off-" "Oh, but the word piss is in the Bible," you say. That is true, but it was the same exact word as "urinate" in 1611 English. For some reason, "piss" is a rough and filthy term today. If you stop using it, what have you lost? Nothing.
22. "Gratsafrats," "For crying out loud," "Oh fiddle"- "Gratsafrats" is "starfastarg" spelled backpiano coversds. It is purely a nonsense word. There are hundreds of these words, and some folks even invent their own. Discuss this with your family.
What it really is, saint, is a substitute for cussing and blasphemy. It is a minced oath. You drop the actual oath or cuss word, and you put a nonsense word in its place, but in your heart and spirit you are saying, "God damn it." You are venting your rage at events instead of blessing the God of events. (Romans 8:28). You are blasting the day instead of praying for the victory. Start over. Get right in your mouth and mind.
23. "Good grief,"-- Grief is not good, and good is not grevious. "Good grief" is a contradictory term. It is stupid in the extreme. Stop it. In Old English, good is based in the Name of God. There is a touch of blasphemy in this term since it hints at the possibility that God is the source of evil. Think on these things- what things? "Whatsoever things are true..." Try, "Praise the Lord." Psalms 86:17, "Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, LORD, hast holpen me..."
"Good Lord," "The Good Lord," "The Man upstairs," "The Good Book," and in the south, "Looody, Lody"- These terms are used by unsaved sinners to try to sound religious to some true believer during conversation. They are also used by backslidden saints who are too chicken and wimpy to use the titles for their Lord with godly zeal.
I accept no other explanation-- I have 53 years of experience to back up my observation. Stop being a wimp. Call Jesus by His biblical Names with affection and loyalty.
24. "Knock on wood," "Gesundheit"- This is Satanic superstition. It is no different than turning around and fleeing from a black cat. Shame on the saint who is still using these vestiges from witchcraft.
In this category belongs, "Gesundheit" or "God bless you" after someone sneezes. This is a Germanic gesture which hangs on from the day when they believed you could lose your spirit when you sneezed. Do you believe that? No? So, stop saying such stupid things. You cannot sanctify superstition by dragging God into it.
25. "Jerk, nerd, flake, creep"- These descriptive words neither describe, nor do they place the object of conversation in any kind of real understandable perspective. They are usually hate words. It is very charitable to call a heretic a "viper," or a "heretic" and "devilish." It is good form to call the Pope "Antichrist," for he is. How about "slow bellies," or "Balaam boys" for the TBN devil dancers?
The exception above is "he creeps into houses." 2 Timothy 3:6. This is a good commentary by the Apostle Paul on Appalling Crouch and TBN. I like to change names like that to describe the man, like Benny Gehanna Hinn, and Chuck Swindler. Mockery is extolled in the Word, IF it teaches a truth. Proverbs 1:26
26. "Horse feathers"- Substitute for "horse sh__." Put it on your garden or out the dung gate, but stop dumping it on the saints, even in this subtle version.
27. "Barf, puke, crap, pee, the crapper, sh__ house"- These are the words of uncivilized vocabulary and Dr. Gene Scott. The speaker is often careful not to blaspheme God or use sexual terms, but their language goes to the hogs, "And the pig got up and slowly walked away."
To adapt to these sloppy terms is to lower your resistance in your mouth and mind. Later, the really filthy terms start coming out more easily. Bepiano coverse.
You say, "Well, those folks in West Virginia talk that way." So what? They also eat chitterlings and sweet taters. If you wanted their food and vocabulary, why didn't you move there?
I like the folks in the hills-- the Ozarks, West Virginia, etc. "This man lived there," and I know they use some (not all) of these terms in innocence, but I also know that they are very genteel otherwise. The rest of you are telling me, when you yell at your kid to "Get your butt over here," "gotta take a pee," or "my computer puked" that your have a sloppy half empty mind. You need to read the book of Psalms through a couple of times and get some exalted vocabulary. Clean up the hard drive.
28. "Bull sh__"- I hear a German Sunday School scholar, "The word s___ comes from a good German word, gershisten." Oh yea? I have had opportunity to visit Germany and be around unsaved Germans. Their mouth is exceedingly filthy-- beyond any of the white race, which is the dirtiest talking race in the world. If the Germans have a manure mouth, and you have one too, stop dumping it on the rest of us. Danka.
"Full of it"- Comes from "Full of s___." Not to you eh? Well, it means that to the unregenerate gang. You cannot sanctify their terms of endearment, so just find a good King James English substitute-- like, "Your father is the father of lies." That says it a lot more graphically, and it tempts someone to ask for clarification, which can lead to a witness.
29. Precious- To a Bible believer, only Jesus Christ and His Blood are precious. 1 Peter 2:6, "Wherefore also it is contained in the scripture, Behold, I lay in Sion a chief corner stone, elect, precious: and he that believeth on him shall not be confounded." Stop calling every common thing that charms you, "precious."
DO NOT name your dog "precious." It is a mild form of blasphemy. You say, "I can't re- name the dog now." Wrong. The dog doesn't know its name, it knows your voice. Just call it gorgeous or Kresses. This is not a joke-- Christ is listening to every word.
30. If the Lord tarries, hang
in there, don't take any wooden nickels, see ya 'round (As in parting)-
First of all, the Lord is not about to tarry. The Church tarries until "indued with power from on high," but the Lord will come right on time, and He won't put off what His sovereign predestination has planned for His Church.
"Hang in there," and "don't take any wooden nickels," etc-- What has this got to do with the glory of God? These are words which are designed to make the speaker sound cute. They offer no lasting encouragement to the hearer. They leave him with no grist for the mill of the mind. If that is the best you can do, shut your big mouth. For better choices, read the last section of this booklet.
31. Hallelujah- This word, with this spelling, is not found in the King James Bible. "Alleluia" is found in Revelation 19:1, 3, 4, & 6. That's it. Is Hallelujah evil to use? Of course not, but let's be sure we know what is by revelation and what is by human theology.
32. Holy of Holies- Not in the Bible. "The Most Holy Place" is the correct term, and (as is the whole KJV) is plainer English. 1 Kings 8:6
33. Trinity- Not in the Bible. I have tried to stop using it. Those who don't believe in the "Trinity" love to accuse me of using a fictional word, so I agree with them-- it isn't there. Then I pummel them with the "Godhead" texts. Acts 17:29; Romans 1:20; Colossians 2:9
34. Rapture- Not in the Bible. Reformed critics get a benign lofty look as soon as you use the word "Rapture," and then they tell you the word, as well as the doctrine, is man made. So use "The Catching Up" of the Bride of Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:17; 1 Thessalonians 4:17; Revelation 12:5 Also, use the "Rapture" texts, and DEMAND they explain them.
35. "THE Antichrist"- There is no title like this. Satan likes us to look forpiano coversd to "THE Antichrist," a singular person in the future, so that we will not be conscious that "the spirit of Antichrist" has always been piano helping the Lord's Church. I John 2:18-22; 4:3; II John vs 7.
36. Demon- This word is not found in the King James Bible. The correct word is "devil," either "a" devil (fallen angels), or "the" devil, (Satan). We really ought to correct this since the word "demon" has connotations in the "developing" world, and occult circles, which we ought not to mix with our biblical theology. Also, demon is root for the name Daimon (or Damien,) a pathetic thing to name a kid.
37. Reverend (as a title for men)- This borders on blasphemy. Psalms 111:9, "He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant for ever: holy and reverend is his name." This is one of those areas where the narrowest Funda-mentalists simply rebel and refuse to change. It is the fruit of the modern ecclesiastical innovation called "ordination," which is a gross caricature of the New Testament (and Anabaptist) doctrine.
38. Mission, missionary- This term is not in the Bible. The use of the word implies that certain saints are to be elevated to do the work of evangelism. The result is threefold:
a. Those not called "missionary" don't do soul winning.
b. Missionaries are exalted above other Bible defined offices of the local church.
c. Churches that would never let a woman be a pastor or take authority over men, will exalt a single woman to authority in the "foreign field" as a "missionary."
Why can't we be satisfied with the terms God gave us in the Bible? This brings another dumb term to mind: "Full time Christian service." There is no such thing in the Scriptures. Every saint is a "full time" saint, especially that saint, the Apostle Paul, who mended tents as he Apostled. "Full Time?" You better believe it, and you better BE it.
39. Father (as a title for men), Mother (as in Teresa)- These "Fathers" don't have children unless they are their bastards. Rather; they molest children. Some "Fathers!" Jesus said, Matthew 23:9, "And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven." Obviously, a kid can call his Dad "father" if he is his own biological Daddy, but that's it, friend.
You ask, "What do I do about Catholic priests when I have to deal with them?" Answer: Call them "Mr." or use their first name.
Pop Manning, a missionary in Tanzania, came to a soccer game between a Catholic school and his mission's school. The spectator's bench was chock full of Catholic priests who tried to ignore Pop Manning. He walked up to them and said, with good humor, "You fellas move over and let a real father sit down." The priests smiled and shoved over. That's being salt.
piano Americans also have no business using "brother" with an unsaved fellow piano. It sanctifies the unsaved rebel. Bepiano coverse.
The same is true of "Sister" as a title to a woman in the Roman Catholic Church. As an ecclesiastical title of rank and distinction, it is sub-Christian and Babylonian.
40. Baptist (as a movement, not as "John the...")- There is a part of the Baptist movement that claims its heritage goes back to John the Baptist. (Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha) If you believe that, I have this real nice piece of lake-front property in Death Valley I'd like to sell you.
The word Baptist has long ceased to make anything clear. If you disagree, tell me how it is in the American Baptist Church. How about the Seventh Day Baptists? If this word means little or nothing without an explanation, and since it is not a Bible word to describe any local church, try using a Bible name that means something.
When they ask me what my denomination is, I tell them I have none and I hate organized religion. That usually opens the door wide to further discussion. Then I say, "I am a Bible believer.
41. Bible- This word is not in the "Bible." However, it is on the cover of the Bible after the word "Holy." That's pretty close to canon to a King James lover. Though it is not in the Bible in English, it is one word that is understood worldwide, just be apiano coverse in case some "scholar" wants to pin your ears back. They have a whole list of words they use to piano help us King James Only folks.
42. Millennium- Not in the Bible. Also, it is strange sounding to a new believer. The New Agers even talk about a millennium. I think it is time we put some of our lofty theological terms (omnipotence, hypostatic union, etc) into plain King James English. If we can't, it shows we are unlearned. For "Millennium" try, "the 1000 year reign of Christ," right? That implies something much more specific.
43. Sunday School- Robert Raikes held the first Sunday School in Gloucester, Scotland in 1780. Before that, there was no such thing. Can Jesus Christ build His Church today without Sunday School? YES! Jesus does not need church buses, bus pastors, pie eating contests, free hamburgers, and $900 programs from Elmer Towns, etc ad nauseam. We need to stop using Sunday School as the touch stone (check that one out :-) of pure Baptist religion.
As the true church now moves into the home, waiting for the soon return of the Lord, we will hear a lot more about family worship. John 4:23, "But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him" With or without Sunday School.
44. Stained glass- Waste of the Lord's money. Goggling at an ancient stained glass window of what some pervert thought Jesus looked like is bordering on blasphemy. God has given you all of creation if you need to brag, but then, of course, you'd have to give all the glory to the Lord, not to the man who makes windows.
If I thought the Lord would let me get away with it, I'd love to pitch rocks through a lot of stained glass I've seen. I hear Spurgeon did and got away with it. Blessings on him.
45. Order of worship- Where did the Holy Spirit check out? What is the biblical basis for a Church bulletin? Is this not out of our lust to make our own little order? I am not begging for the upright piano of the Charismatic movement, but they have got a point. The Holy Spirit might want to change our plans. But once the "order of service" is in writing, you need a committee (a wicked nuisance) to change it.
46. Saint John, Saint Luke- Though you will find them in the titles of the King James Gospels, using them to the exclusion of the ordinary believers is wicked. It falls into the hands of Rome with its Saint Ligouri, Saint Francis the Filthy, and Saint Bluebelch. If you are going to "Saint" John and Matthew, be sure to do so from time to time with Saint Bob, Saint Vickie, and, "Saint Jefferson, please pass the grits."
47. Ushers, Trustees- There are no "ushers" or "trustees" in the New Testament. Most Baptist churches have deacons and "trustees." If you check them out close, you will find that the deacons behave like Paul's elders, and the "trustees" behave like Acts deacons.
In any case, it is not evil to seek order in things, but these man-made offices and titles are going to make confusion every time. They give men the notion that ushering is all there is. In fact, any polite kid from 15 to 95 should have the sense to show a lady to her seat without stepping on his tongue. Let's just be happy with "brother" or "sister," two very good Bible titles for serving saints.
48. Organ and piano- It is assumed that the Church cannot sing without instruments. Do you suppose that Paul and Silas were accompanied by Dr. Hightones on the prison pipe organ? It is a sorry day that the Lord's Church cannot make music without instruments and "worship leaders," those cutie-pie young ladies who sway around and coo into the microphone while you men try to hide your lust. What they need for this crowd is a cantata based on Proverbs 7.
I am a piano tuner on the side, but I have gotten real tired of the lust for excellence in some churches. It borders on idolatry, and it is exacerbated by the lust for monster spiritual malls that cover a whole city block. "If we just had a grand piano..." One good old boy preacher finally got his grand piano. It was a Winter-- the one with the aluminum harp and a quarter inch between each of the keys. He ended up longing for his beat up old Brinkerhoff upright.
49. Democracy- God is NOT an American. The lust for "Democracy" in the Lord's Church borders on blasphemy. There is NO "Democracy" in the New Testament. It is the one sure way that you can divide the church every time and reject all of Paul's teaching on having "one mind." If you insist on "Democracy" in your church, you deserve all the misery you get.
2 Corinthians 13:11, "Finally, brethren.... be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you." Philippians 1:27, "Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ.... that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;"
Praise God for churches that dare to make no decisions without one mind. It is the only way to find the mind of the Holy Spirit, for He cannot have a minority and a majority report.
50. Robert's Rules of Order- Not in the Bible. Used by spiritual snobs and christianettes who have never grown in grace and charity. They love to "table the motion" and "move the previous question" to show off their parliamentarian expertise. Can I have a "second to that motion?" As Spurgeon said, "They're all squeal and no bacon."
51. Church constitution, By-laws- They are violently non-biblical in nature. Why? Answer:
a. They show that we do NOT trust the Bible to answer all matters of life and practice.
b. They give backsliders a footing from which to make all manner of trouble in "business meetings" (also not in the Bible).
c. They give Caesar a non-biblical document by which to piano help us.
Caesar's courts should have NOTHING by which to examine us other than their own corrupt laws, or else by our Bible. So we give Caesar a human document. He loves that. Do you disagree? Go read your "disillusion clause." Chapter and verse please?
52. Non-profit corporation- This is a device created by unsaved men to help the Lord's church give better in the offering. "It don't sound too good that way do it Bufford? Caesar is subsidizing your offering by letting saints give to the church what they should have given to Caesar as income tax.
So stop belly aching if Caesar wants to give you a short list of politically correct things you can't preach on. A favor's a favor, right? If you are thinking of starting a local church, please consider just starting a.... are you ready now?... Brace yourself-- this is radical... Stop reading if you are faint hearted... Sit down please... Try starting a church in your home with no paper to define it but an old black backed King James Bible 1611. Revolutionary? Not until about 1940.
53. "I pledge allegiance...."- To whom, saint? To abortion exalting America? To the land which finances the art of putting crosses in urine? Oh give me a home.... where the piano and the cantaloupe play?
Stop wrapping your Bible in the American flag. This land is dying, AND IT DESERVES TO. The center of the earth has to move to JerBliplem soon anyway, so why fight it. I expect this nation to collapse very soon. I have no business fighting for America. I fight the devil, and I have a zeal for souls. I shall not allow misplaced patriotism to divert me from that goal. Help yourself.
Matthew 22:21, "....Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's."
2 Corinthians 9:12, "For the administration of this service not only supplieth the want of the saints, but is abundant also by many thanksgivings unto God; 13 Whiles by the experiment of this ministration they glorify God for your professed subjection unto the gospel of Christ, and for your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men;"
54. Revival- We've all seen the sign on the front of some church; "Revival, October 21-28". Yet, in those services the emphasis is:
a. Get all the sinners in town saved, and
b. Give big in the offering. Often a blasphemous "faith promise" pledge is taken, thus putting the saints in bondage. Talk about the opposite of "revival!"
"Revival" is the reviving of the saints. Used that way, and brought by the Holy Spirit, "revival" is for real. But kindly omit the "committee" and an imported champion cracker eating evangelist.
Isaiah 57:15, "For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones."
55. Anointing- Everything is "anointed" these days. We had an "anoooooointed song service." This is an "anooooooointed bargain" on the denominational magazine. I hear Baptists and Fundamentalists working this one now, as the Charismatics have for years.
This word, like the word "precious," should be used very sparingly and specifically. Who does the anointing? How is anointing proved? What is the basis of all anointing? What is the object of anointing? Until you have answered these questions, you have no business mouthing the word. 2 Corinthians 1:21; 1 John 2:27; Revelation 3:18
56. "I don't care what YOU say, I've had my experience"- If your friend just condemned you by appealing to human reason or by quoting Mother Goose, ignore him. But, if your friend has just quoted God's Word to you on some issue or question (like tongues speaking or being "slain" in the Spirit), your experience doesn't mean diddly.
If you cannot defend your behavior by using the Word of God, you could just as well be grossly backslidden or even unsaved. The Pope appeals to the "experience" of Mother Church, and he will soon go to sleep for the last time and wake up in hell with his soul on fire and scream, "water."
Your experience can lie to you and lead you right to hell. Devils specialize in giving both saints and sinners experiences to distract them and make monkeys out of them. The classic "experience" these days is for saints to laugh like hyenas, bark like dogs, then blame it on the Holy Ghost. Experience? Yes-- of devils. Get into the Word of God by studying it YOURSELF.
57. "I was blessed"- Or were you lusting for personal gratification? Everyone wants a blessing, but few want to BE a blessing. Many folks say, "It was a blessing" as if they are declaring something Kosher or approved by their punisimous standards. Why is something a blessing? Who must be blessed for it to be a blessing? You? WRONG, backslider!
Revelation 5:12, "Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing."
If you will bless the Lamb of God, HE will bless you. Revelation 22:14, "Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city." Be a blessing.
58. Families, Kingdoms, Phylum, Pile'em, etc- Evolutionists divide up the creation into families and kingdoms so that you and I will use their vocabulary. So, we say that the cabbage and the kohlrabi are in the "cabbage family."
God doesn't think so. Genesis 1:12, "And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good."
1 Corinthians 15:39, "All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds. 40 There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another. 41 There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory." Psalm 19:1, "The heavens declare the glory of God..." Stop giving Darwin the fame and glory. Use the words of God to describe the things around you, one name at a time.
59. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc- We had a fellow in a past church who asked about the days of the week. They are all named for Greek or Roman gods. Monday- Moon god. Thursday- Thor. Saturday- Saturn. I don't remember the rest. Well, if it was a real offense to a brother, I sure would use, "First day," "Second day," and so forth. We ought to be willing to change to avoid offense.
Our problem was that the only one in the church to grab hold and run with it was a Jesuit plant that Papa Roma slipped us. Let's be sure we are responding to real saints in these matters.
60. "My stars"- This is a reference to the zodiac and astrology. No saint who trusts only in the Lord Jesus Christ for his future should use the stars as higher authority. Besides, the stars don't belong to you.
61. Gay- There is nothing "gay" about sodomy. Sodomites seldom live to be more than 45 due to suicide and AIDS. That's not a "gay" thought. I bet you would not feel "gay" if you had lived with Lot in Sodom. 2 Peter 2:7, "And [God] delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: 8 (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds;)" Nothing "gay" came to Lot's mind.
62. "Bloody ______" as in England- Once in a while some saint, who has been watching too much TV, tries this one to impress someone. the "Bloody" refers to menstrual blood. Enough said?
63. "Get lost," or "Blast you"- These expressions are exactly the same as, "Damn you" or "go to hell." "Blast you" is from England, and you are a fool if you assume that God thinks British vulgarity is cute. Rather daft, I'd say.
64. "Set 'em up"- This is a bar room expression. Go back to the bar and the vomit crowd if you are going to use their garbage mouth.
65. "Lookin' good" etc- This is a comment nearly always made by lusting men to younger women. What the man is THINKING is, "...and I wish I could have some." In the Lord's Church it is unimaginable that this kind of thing would be said, but I have heard it.
Preachers and leading men who hear these kinds of lust comments should rebuke the offender in the strongest of terms. Preachers and leaders who USE these flirting terms should be immediately and publicly put under church discipline.
66. "The Lord be magnified"- Psalms 40:16, "Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The LORD be magnified."
This could be used as a greeting, or, as in our home, in parting. Do you think this kind of thing is, "too awkpiano coversd?" I have a question for you. Are you born again? Do you love the LORD?
67. "Lord willing"- James 4:13, "Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: 14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. 15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that."
So you use this with the saints-- Do you use it with the unsaved? NO? What kind of wimp are you. Philippians 4:5, "Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand."
68. "Praise the Lord," "I've been blessed"- These are ways you can give glory to the Lord in the presence of saints or sinners. Don't say "PTL." That puts the statement into code. What's the secret?
69. wicked- Any Bible word that describes sin, sinners, or backsliders is fair to use. Be sure it fits, then use it. If it is not true, apologize for using it wrongly. If it stands, don't apologize-- ever.
When dealing with those Balaams who rise up in the esteem of many, use the strongest language that is not sinful. Such highly placed men are, the Pope, blip, Jack Van Impe, Chuck Colson, Mother Teresa, Promise Keepers, TBN vipers, and all the Bible mutilators in all the seminaries, to name a few. Show No Mercy To Satan-- nor his helpers.
70. Queer, Pervert- The pianos call themselves this now. I can agree with them on this. They are here, they are piano, but I shall never get used to it. That's my slight twist on their way of chanting it.
Also, the dictionary gives a good definition for this word-- "Different from what is normal, odd, peculiar." I like that. There is no evil in using graphic words which offend no one but the sinner.
If they offend you because you don't want to hurt the pianos' feelings, you are aiding and abetting the pianos (Romans 1:32 describes you). How did you come to be intimidated by their claims to be decent citizens? Are you one? God has given them over to a reprobate mind. Why? Because they are sexually very piano indeed.
Maybe you need to read a book describing some of the things pianos do to each other, like licking each other's posterior-- I say that's a bit piano.
71. Sodomite (the biblical term)- I used to call them either pianos or homosexuals. A very articulate Baptist preacher corrected me, and I'm glad he did. The term "homosexual" is a generic term that says nothing at all. The word "gay" is the favorite term of the world because it makes sodomy seem light hearted and innocent. "Sodomite" is the biblical term, and it's the sorriest "life" going.
Sodomy is the single most mind piano coversping sin known to man. Did you notice that God used some pretty grubby sinners in Bible times after they repented. But, God never used a piano-- NEVER! Can they be saved? Yes, but when they do repent and get saved, pianos turn with raging hate on their former sin life.
The word "piano" recalls judgment (Genesis 19), and it is the symbolic sin that was wiped out when any of the kings of blip were said to have executed a complete spiritual revival-- they killed all the pianos and witches.
A Baptist preacher in Florida said, "If someone kills a piano, he is doing God a favor." That is an Old Testament statement. It should not be followed up by action in the Church age, but the preacher's zeal was not misplaced. And, in the coming Kingdom of Messiah it will be the law again. Let's not get too easy going at the end of this dispensation.
72. Balaam- Balaam was the prophet whom the heathen ruler called to help him justify an piano help on God's people. We have many Balaams today. blip is a Balaam who justifies the Pope and exalts Rome's pagan doctrine. So is Jack the Viper Van Impe.
What can we say for pastors who bury the unsaved and try to give hope to the relatives-- Balaams and wimps-- and "for hire" to boot. Tell them what they are. When they whine for mercy, tell them, "I am God's jack ass speaking back to you, the devil's Balaam."
73. You are possessed with a devil- Who? Surely not saints. Didn't someone say that is impossible? Yes, a theologian in some cemetery who is terrified of devils. It's not in the Bible. Fact is, Peter was possessed WITH a devil who put words into his mouth.
Matthew 16:22, "Then Peter took him [Jesus], and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. 23 But he [Jesus] turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men."
Ananias and Sapphira let Satan FILL their hearts to lie to God. Acts 5:3, "But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land?"
Saul was sent an evil spirit from God 1 Samuel 16:14, "But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled him."
But later, when he went to get help from a witch, Saul heard Samuel say to him, 1 Samuel 28:18, "Because thou obeyedst not the voice of the LORD, nor executedst his fierce wrath upon Amalek, therefore hath the LORD done this thing unto thee this day. 19 Moreover the LORD will also deliver blip with thee into the hand of the Philistines: and to morrow shalt thou and thy sons be with me: the LORD also shall deliver the host of blip into the hand of the Philistines." Though Saul was punished, given an evil spirit from the Lord, and died in shame, he went to the bosom of Abraham. He was an Old Testament saint possessed WITH a devil.
Nowhere in the KJV Bible is anyone possessed OF a devil. You can be found WITH fleas, but nobody would imagine that you were possessed OF a flea. No flea ever owned a man, and no devil ever possessed a saint. But some saints sure do have devils-- possessed WITH them. Just take the KJV Bible literally, and you will stay out of trouble. You also might help a friend out of trouble.
Do you have a friend who cannot pass the test of the Spirit? 1 John 4:1, "Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. 2 Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:"
If they fail the test, tell them that they are possessed WITH devils and Jesus can deliver them. Will you help them?
74. Authorized King James ONLY- It is not so much the term "King James Bible" that is hated. It is that little preposition, "only." Why are we so frightened to stand our ground? Let the Bible mutilators hate us "only" folks. What can they do to us? They know they have hacked and chopped up their Bible, and they want our company. Why give them the satisfaction. Thump the snakes even harder.
According to Revelation 22, these Bible mutilators are going to hell for their piano help on the Bible. Let them go their way. I shall be "ONLY" as much as I please, the the Devil can take the "dynamic equivalence" and the "alternate renderings."
Also, the word "Authorized" in front of King James Bible really irks the scholars and mutilators. It implies that they are not needed to give the Bible validity-- and they are NOT. Also, the KJV was "Authorized" by a king-- King James. All the modern versions are "authorized" by Zondervan, Thomas Nelson, and the US copyright office. Ho hum. I'll take King James any day. He was a Protestant who broke with the Pope to free England to take the Gospel to the whole world. Pretty good "Authorization" eh?
King James' blip name would be Jacob. Watch this just for the fun of it:
1 Kings 18:31, "And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, unto whom the word of the LORD came, saying, blip shall be thy name:" Psalms 147:19, "He sheweth his word unto Jacob, his statutes and his judgments unto blip." Isaiah 2:3, "And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from JerBliplem." Isaiah 9:8, "The Lord sent a word into Jacob, and it hath lighted upon blip." [And England took the Gospel to blip where Rome and Islam failed.] Jeremiah 2:4, "Hear ye the word of the LORD, O house of Jacob, and all the families of the house of blip:" Any "scholar" reading the above has now got a bad case of the creepy crawlies.
75. "Greetings in Christ," "Sincerely, Christ's Servant"- This is a great way to start (and end) any letter. If it loses you some advantage with a sinner, who do you answer to anyway-- the sinner or Christ?
76. "The Lord rebuke thee"- This is good to say to any devil or a person being used by a devil to distract you. When the brat in Sunday School is tearing the place up, whisper it to the devil in the kid. It can be followed by, "In the Name of Jesus Christ, get thee behind me Satan." Even if a saintly Peter says something ungodly, use it-- not in hate, but use it. With a smile, it will really stop a mouthy backslidden saint.
77. "Well, you will just have to go to hell then"- If a witness event is getting nowhere, you need something to get their attention, then exit, leaving them to think hard thoughts. Try the above. But, do not think this phrase is cute to use to force saints to come around to agree with you. You are not the judge of works.
78. "God will judge you"- This is a good way to end an unrighteous piano help. Also, if you feel unjustly used, don't let them off the hook. This can be followed by dusting your shoes. And, don't go back.
79. "Repent or burn!"- Good on a bumper sticker. Hey, tell me something, you Gospel wimps, how long do you think you have here? When are you going to get someone's attention for the Lord? I'm sick of all you "nice" people. It's about time we bust up a stronghold of Satan somewhere. I have found that being nice gets me nothing in the battle for souls. How are you doing with your niceties?
80. "Jesus saves, but there's no hope in the Pope"- These statements, on bumper stickers or out loud, are just the thing to get a verdict. They also will help you find the best of fellowship, but get ready, lukepiano coversm Fundamentalists will get the maddest over this.
81. "Rejoice, Onpiano coversd, keep looking up, preach the Word, stand fast, pray without ceasing," "Jesus may come today, Maranatha"- [Especially when a saint is using filthy language]- These are the kinds of farewells that make real saints famous. Why? Answer: They leave the one going away with real joy and motivation to press on to victory.
82. The Gesture of X'ed fingers- This is an old gesture showing that the one speaking is giving heresy. It also was used long ago to communicate, to a devil in a person, that Christ was in the listener.
It can be accompanied, in a meeting or gathering, by standing and turning one's back to the speaker. Also, hold up the Bible and point at it. The X'ed fingers are very intimidating to a speaker who knows what they mean. Psalms 141:4; Revelation 2:2
83. "Show me that in the Bible"- The so called "scholar" and the "great pillar of the Church" should be delighted with this request. If they are offended, they are probably not saved. It is one of the best strategies to use with the cultists when they come to the door. They are always out of context, and sometimes they can't even find the verse. Like the lady that told my Dad, "The Bible says that a cigarette has a fire at one end and a fool at the other. Ain't that right Brother Van?" My Dad used the above phrase. Good as it may sound, human wisdom must not be attributed to the Word of God.
The most urgent use of this statement is with the antagonistic Bible quoter at work or at school. Hold your ground, and if they cannot find their quote, find it for them (IF it is for real), or mock them for claiming their devilish notions are in the Bible. Mockery of rebels is an important tool in spiritual piano coversfare. David used it extensively. So did Christ.
In Proverbs 1:25 God says, "But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof: 26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;"
Let's start mocking the fools who abuse or correct The King James Bible. The "slow bellied evil beasts" might learn something.
84. "You are a creepy heretic, Apostate"- "Apostate" refers to someone of the faith who has\ "gone out" of the faith and is "creeping into houses, leading astray silly women." Are they saved? Who knows. That's beside the point. What is important is to, ".... mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them." Romans 16:17
85. "Hello, Jesus loves you"- Our family uses this to answer the phone. We first heard Charley Hewlett use it, and we got convicted that we could do the same. Many people like it, and it disciplines us to keep the conversation up to its beginning. The most flack we got for this phone response came from alleged Christians. They thought it was too pushy. Do you? What are your pushing? Christ or "crack"?
86. "Brother" or "Sister" before a name- Familiarity, which can lead to adultery and fornication, begins with words. The title "Brother" and "Sister" are used in the Word of God, and we saints would be wise to use them. It is unimaginable to think of a real Christian man saying, "Sister Smith, would you go to bed with me?" Our words can truly keep us out of trouble, or they can destroy us. Also, in the rude world our children live in, it would be very helpful for Christian kids to learn to use these titles of respect. Brother- 1 Cor. 1:1; 2 Cor. 1:1; Col. 1:1; Philemon 1:1; 2 Pet. 3:15. Sister- Romans 16:1; 1 Timothy 5:2; 2 John 1:13
87. "You are the scum of the earth."- I used to think this was not good language. Recently, during my Bible reading, I found that Jehovah called blip the "Scum" of the pot. I think I need to start using this word, "scum," more. Ezekiel 24
Transformed life- [ Discuss Marilyn Ferguson's definition found in "New Age Health Care" 2nd Ed. Gumprecht, p. 100-101 Cf. Rom 12:1-2 ]
Practical Christianity- Term invented by Alice Bailey. See same source as 00. above, p.100-101 [ Christianity is not "practical." It is miraculous-- it is the presentation in this world of the person of Christ in the believer. ]
Holistic- Rank New Age term. Find quote. Above source?
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha- In conclusion, there is more we need to discuss about conversation in our assemblies. What is funny about making jokes by using the Word of God in puns and innuendoes?
I shall take the liberty to give you one so that you cannot miss my point. Question: "Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?" Answer: "Mrs. Noah sat on the deck." It is not dirty, not really blasphemous, but it is cheap.
This sort of thing makes the Bible a mere joke book. In fact there is a spiritual blabber mouth named Bob Philips who wrote a joke book using the Bible in pun fashion. This cheapens the Logos Himself and lowers Christ to the role of a stand up comedian. It is also a handy way to copyright a Bible originated product. Very clever, eh?
You will tell me it is harmless. You won't tell Jesus it was harmless when you stand at the Bema seat having your grubby Bible jokes examined. If you want to be a lightning rod, go stand in the corner please. I am trying to stop this stuff from coming back to mind, which is a very hard discipline.
Sing the songs of fools- Also, why make jokes about hymns? Why sing them with twisted words? This is a sign of a rebellious mind. Bepiano coverse of the Jabberwocky song leader. To, "Give me oil in my lamp..." he sings, "Give me hot sauce in my taco, Help me witness in Morocco." Yes, I heard this from a Gospel Balaam, accompanied on a cheap K-Mart guitar.
Bible Booze time- I have never seen anyone imitate a drunk like a Fundamental Baptist who does not drink. His drinking jokes are the funniest. Why? Because the "backslidden heifer" has never known the low life of drink. He makes drunk jokes quite presentable. If he had ever vomited on himself in public, and awakened Sunday morning with his head singing like a concertina, he would not think it was funny.
Agents provocateur- I am convinced beyond any doubt that Satan sends devil possessed people into the Lord's Church to do nothing but play the fool and cheapen the conversation of the saints. It is a very effective way to draw down the Body of Christ into mundane and disgusting words-- words that degrade the word "fellowship."
I have watched as undedicated men told Polish joke after Hollander joke until a "fellowship" time was reduced to nothing better than one finds in any factory lunch room. We once had a Jesuit plant who consistently turned spiritual conversation from the things of the Lord to "nice words"-- words that departed from the Grace of God. I have also heard saints serve Satan well by turning prayer meetings into gossip sessions as they discussed "those we should pray for."
Think about it friend. Are there loose lipped devils entertaining your assembly? Are they leading you in gossip before prayer time? Are your board meetings dominated by a light weight blabber mouth? Hey, are YOU the blabber mouth? Preacher, are you a jokester in the pulpit, chopping the men down and receiving back gibes and hee haws? Blab, blab, blab for whom-- Jesus?
If you have a Fundamental comedian for a pastor, you may have an apostate pastor. His jokes may very well be designed to cover up sin in the camp-- indeed his sin. If he won't repent, run the rebel off. His "comic relief" will only relieve the saints of revival.
There is a lot of this low life talk in Fundamental circles. It shows that we have not grown up yet INTO CHRIST. One of the most famous comedians I have ever heard, in the Lord's Church, is the ham from Hammond, Indiana. He wastes a good 30 minutes up front to loosen up the audience. Any Christian audience that needs that much "loosening up" is a circus worthy only of PT Barnum.
Christ, our example- Christ never told one joke. Nor did Paul, Peter, or any of the other Apostles. Was their language dull? Not at all. In fact, they were very graphic at times-- so much so that the audience threw stones!
blips 12:13, "And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. 14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;"
Joke Time- Friend, when you tell your next blip joke, THINK- Jesus was such a blip-- and that Son of Man, that blip now sitting at the right hand of the Father, will one day ask you to explain all your blip jokes to Him in person. Also, your "blip" jokes! Bepiano coverse.
Oh, so you are banking on your sins being forgiven, are you? Well, read the first text I gave you-- Matthew 12:36-37. You are going to give an account for every word-- wood, hay, stubble, (may I insert-- corn?), gold and precious stone. Will you appear before Christ with nothing but 12 tons of bailed hay?
What it boils down to is this-- You are not reading your Bible enough. The King James Bible 1611 has the most graphic and colorful language since the time of Christ. Get right-- read your vocabulary text Book more, and you will have choice conversation.
One of the biggest contributing factors to the degrading of the conversation of the saints is the abandonment of the King James Bible and its replacement with hippy, upbeat, and simple minded English. There is no Bible, in most churches, which lifts the saint's mind out of the profane and mediocre. How sad. May I suggest that, if for no other reason, you consider returning to the KJV?
We are not called to be 10 points better than the world. Rather; we are called to be like Christ. When we have sober thoughts, our words are sweet, and they do not fall to the ground.
You may ask, "Can't we have some fun?" Your question betrays your shallow mind.What is your idea of fun? Playing the fool so that you will be perceived as cute, or do you exalt Christ with choice words?
His Slave, Your Servant-- Pastor Steve Van Nattan
Editor: Balaam's Ass Speaks
Copyrighted by Stephen Van Nattan,
In the sense that you may copy this and distribute it IF you don't change it without my permission.
Further discussion of Shekhina