CHILD SUPPORT AND THE CONSEQUENCES
Editor's Comment: When you hear of Congressmen and blips who have paternity situations which must be solved by the mother suing the man, you realize that the topic is very volatile, and it will never be solved in the courthouse. American parents must teach morality at home or pay for their lack of it. Mike has hit this one head on, and I like his concepts. Let me know what you think. SEND MAIL
By Mike Ramey
(The following commentary includes language that may offend some readers)
In the discussion of some of the issues, politics, and pitfalls of the U. S. Child Support system, there is one of those 'side' issues you seldom hear mentioned in the mainstream press-- but you will read about it here.
THAT ISSUE: Clueless Single or Married Mothers.
Now, keep in mind that the Child Support system is-- and has been designed to be-- a two tiered system. Meaning, in the Child Support universe-- an increasingly shrinking universe I might add-- there are those who are wise to the ways of the functioning of the system, and there are those who are not.
Let me say again up front that I believe that if a man and a woman come together and a child is the result, the man should support that child-- period. The best he is able to financially do.
However, the woman also has a duty to let the father of that child keep up regular contact with that child via visitation. Currently, our legal system will jail a father for falling behind on his support; but doesn't have the guts to jail a mother for denying-- or interfering with-- a father's visitation of that child he helped to bring into this world. Child Support and Visitation Rights are BOTH the law and need enforcement. Sadly, more attention is paid to Child Support, than Visitation Rights.
Lately though, the buzz I've been hearing in my neck of the woods from some single and married mothers about teenage sexuality is a cause for genuine concern. It wasn't that long ago in America that if a young man got a young woman pregnant, Daddy would pull out the family shottatter, find the teenage lovers, and a wedding would take place-- or else.
Of course the 'shottatter wedding' has gone by the way of the manual typewriter. After all, we have grown more civilized-- right?
MOTHERS SAYING: "MY SON SHOULD BE EXCUSED"
Well, I would have to say a loud WRONG if you've heard some of the conversations I have heard coming from the mouths of more than a few women. It seems that, when it comes to their sons, it's OK for some of their teenage sons to go out and get a teenage girl pregnant, BUT its NOT OK for their 'darling' to have to spend time before a Court and be ordered to be DNA tested AND pay Child Support.
If you doubt me, brothers, do your OWN research. Go to a few women that you know that have teenage sons and ask them straight out: "If YOUR son got a teenage girl pregnant, WHAT should HIS responsibility BE?" Some of the answers you'll hear may make you wonder if the Women's Lib movement ever happened in the first place. I know that the responses I've heard caused me to wonder whether or not I was living in the 'Twilight Zone' .
PUNKS-- MADE IN AMERICA:
Now, in second and third world nations, the remedy would be simple. Either 'Junior' would have to marry the girl, go to prison, or be the recipient of some 'tribal justice' by the elders. Only in America do we ALLOW our modern young men, raised in either single or two-parent families to become PUNKS when it comes to marital responsibility.
First, I find it sad that marriage is not even thought of as a showcase of sexual responsibility. Second, I find it tragic that there are some mothers who have had children out of wedlock themselves who are ignorant enough to stand by and smile when 'Junior' brings home a baby carrier, instead of a wife.
THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET:
Meanwhile, the nation's Child Support enforcers have been bragging about the 'huge' amount of Child Support that has been coming into the system. The nation's Welfare system has been getting a big chunk of that to pay off the debts of some teenage mothers who have had to go on Welfare to take care of the child (or children) because the teenage father has not been found, nor have his parent(s) given him up to be prosecuted.
"After all-- Boys will be boys!"
Oh really? Then, when WILL they grow up to become MEN?
When mothers stop thinking that their sons are above the law when they impregnate another mother's daughter!
Mothers-- those of you who have teenage sons-- just because some of you 'think his father is a dog', or 'haven't been able to find a good man' after YOU got pregnant; are you helping continue the lie by letting YOUR son get as much honey as he can WITHOUT having to be responsible for those children? Or, are you standing for the truth?
BUT WAIT-- THERE'S MORE:
Now, I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on television. However, I've talked with more than my share of lawyers over the years.
Here's another dirty little secret that may soon come out for public discovery.
Did you know that if a teenage boy gets a teenage girl pregnant, HE can be made to PAY Child Support IF the pregnant girl names the father of her child?
Did you also know that, in the case of a juvenile, the parent(s) of that teenage boy-- if he has no income-- CAN be made to pay the Child Support debt FOR him? It falls under the heading of 'parental responsibility'.
If your child does something that results in the injury of another person, or destruction of their property, and the child CAN'T make restitution, the PARENT(S) of that child are liable for the damages.
No wonder we have sooooo many single and married parents keeping quiet about the 'sexual exploits' of their teenage sons. THEY don't want to pay the check but are perfectly content to see that 'granbliphild' never gets a decent start in life, by having a responsible mother AND father, through marriage and not through lust!
CHUCK THOSE 'SIMULATED' PREGNANCY LESSONS:
One of these days, a smart deputy DA or deputy prosecutor is going to decide to make a run for the top spot in their agency, and need an issue from which to launch their campaign. Making a few teenage boys in their jurisdiction carry Child Support payment books instead of 'baby carriers' or 'eggs' to simulate the meaning of fatherhood would be a winner. Hauling a few parents into court to make them pay up for 'Junior's' night of pleasure would do more for stemming the tide of out-of-wedlock births in a month, than classroom simulations and presentations could do in a school year.
And, let's NOT forget DNA Technology! Trust me on this!
There are some single mothers AND married mothers who need to get this message through to their sons. Well before some cop with a 9mm and a badge comes to their door and hauls 'Junior' off to face a judge to establish paternity and payments.
Why should a teenage mother and her single/married mother have to suffer the care of this new life on their own, when there is a perfectly healthy teenage father around the corner, or across town who is more than capable of being held responsible? That is, IF his single/married mother would stop choking him with her apron strings, just so HER household can be 'let-off-the-hook'?
And, by the way, for the unwed teenage mothers-- and THEIR mothers on the webline-- there IS no 'statute-of-limitations' on establishing paternity and ordering Child Support payments from irresponsible, hard headed young men and their families. You can file anytime, and in many jurisdictions, you can do it for a low fee-- or FREE.
Don't let the teenage boy's friends, mother, father or family talk you out of using this tool to support that baby! He'll either do the right thing and marry you; or do the right thing and pay for the wrong he has done to you, and his child, for the next 18 to 21 years!
My young sister-- IF you were good enough for him to be with...
SOMETHING FOR DAD TO CHEW ON:
Just wanted to put this in here as well.
For some of the brotherhood who have sons, teach them the following equation: 15 equals 18 to 21. Here's the lecture language that goes with it: "My son, if you think that you are a MAN, then you are going to be responsible. Responsibility and manhood go hand-in-hand! Don't bed her until you marry her! If you decide NOT to listen to me; Fifteen minutes of fun, outside of marriage, means that should YOU get a young lady pregnant, YOU will be paying Child Support for the next 18 to 21 years. NOT your mother, and NOT me. BUT Y-O-U if you start on a streak of birthing babies!"
Now, for some of the brotherhood who have been blessed with daughters. DON'T be stupid enough to listen to your wife, or your own 'teenage fantasies' from 'back in the day' and supply your daughter with a purseful of condoms to stop pregnancy. Condoms, as WE ALL know are only 60 percent effective.
Here's a method that is 100 percent effective AND will teach a real life lesson!
Go to your local Child Support Collection Office and pick up a few current, blank payment books. Get the ones with the bright colored covers-- the day-glo ones that will stand out in the dark. Arm your daughter with a Child Support payment book, and let her carry it around.
If a young man decides to 'play' her, instruct your daughter to produce the book, and ask the 'teenage playa' where he wants his name and address filled in, OR, when they are going to get married.
This will get him to slow up, no matter what HIS mother might say.
The second part of the drama unfolds if he persists. If a young man says those 'three little words'; (I Love You), then train your daughter to say those 'seven' little words in response, as she draws out her Child Support book; (Either Marry Me Or Be Gone, Punk!) Once a young brother sees the booklet and/or hears those seven little words, THAT will work faster than DeCon to get rid of him! No muss, no fuss, and no grandkids before the wedding day.
But, I digress-- again!
We have to start reforming the home-- THEN reform the system.
Some single/married mothers are going to have to 'drop those lies' to their sons about 'wearing protection' or 'wrapping that rascal'. They are going to have to be willing to school their sons about the consequences of 'conception', and when it is appropriate to pro-create.
God's way, and only in marriage. The positive is a bright engagement/wedding set, a church, and a preacher. The negative is a bright blue booklet labeled 'Child Support'-- EVERY week.
Some single/married mothers-- many of whom go to church-- are all too quick to point out how 'irresponsible' some members of the brotherhood have been over the years. Well, sisters, WE'D like to know when are YOU going to be responsible for that young man, or young men growing up under YOUR roof. IF you tell him 'It's OK to PLAY', then HE and/or YOU should PAY!
The brotherhood has spoken.
And so have a lot of unwed, teenage mothers-- and THEIR mothers!
Mike Ramey is the author of "THE MANHOOD LINE", a syndicated, monthly column written for men from a biblical, business, and commonsense perspective. To correspond, drop an e-mail to email@example.com. (C) 2002 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications On-Line Editions (15).
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