The following is an account of what happens when queers get their way. Take heed!

Belize, Jan 6 (Reuters) - A cruise ship chartered by a group of gay vacationers landed in Placencia with disastrous consequences last week.

When the gangways hit the dock, hoards of lisping, limp-wristed, tutu wearing homosexuals descended on the sleepy town and immediately started to proposition small boys and young men. "It was awful" said Enrique Hemanez " You could not walk ten feet without being asked if you were a pitcher or a catcher."

When the drunken crowd of Homo's, transvestites and transsexuals found out that Latin Americans are not big up taking it up the poop-shoot, they turned their attentions on the numerous pigs, goats, sheep and chickens which freely roam the streets of Belize City.

Hector Rodrequez owns some hens on which his family depends for eggs " We don't know what to do" said the farmer "Now all our hens won't lay eggs, they won't even let us near them."

Local authorities did their best to cope with the situation. " We instituted a new law against, uh, how do you say, buggering?" said Det. L. Gonzales "Anyone caught doing, uh, with their pants down and, er, uh, you know, will be thrown in jail."

In spite of this a local Catholic church was taken over by a group called the "bunghole bandits". Father Ignacio de la Fuenza said "they took all the pipes off of the steam heaters" he said " and were doing evil things in the baptismal pool, may God have mercy on their soles."

Several riots broke out when the local bars ran out of sloe gin and bitters. "I just don't understand it" said Raul Gomez, a local bartender "Every few minutes someone would by a hole bottle of bitters and then go into the bathroom with 2 or 3 other guys."

The only happy merchants were the fruit vendors. "They wanted the whole melons and grapefruit" said Garza Molones "all they wanted was a hole in it about this size" said Molones, holding up a pinky finger for illustration.

The cruise ship, renamed "The Raging Queen" by some enterprising vacationers using dozens of sticks of lipstick, left the next day.

The City of Belize was left a smoldering ruin by the homo vacationers. Windows smashed, animals buggered, the alleys and bathroom all slippery messes. "It will be a cold day in hell before we let the next gay cruise ship into our country" declared president Suraez "never again will this atrocity take place."

The cruise line refused to comment.