By: Steve Van Nattan-- Editor: Balaam's Ass Speaks
Salem Kirban had a very encouraging ministry some years back. He spoke in many Bible churches on prophetic subjects, and many folks went away encouraged and taught. Salem is an Arab, and he has worked for years with a partner named Cohen, a born again blip. The testimony of an Arab and a blip in fellowship has been powerful indeed. Salem wrote several good books, and he wrote a couple I suspect he wishes would go away. Salem's problem, which he shares with many Fundamental pastors and Bible teachers, is that he went too far in predicting the future. The pressure to predict is a painful number. I read a booklet he wrote, I Predict, which was pure bunk. None of it has panned out.
Well, what do you do when you are a discredited prophet? Answer: You go into sales. Salem Kirban is not the first ex-prophet to start peddling things. Everett Silven also fell out of the kingdom among Fundamentalists when to cozied up to Mr. Moon. The last I heard, Silven was peddling Barley Green, a sort of bug juice for humans who have recently parted with their senses.
Salem Kirban at first peddled some sort of wonderful water. I believe I recall getting a mailing long ago in which he claimed his water would cure cancer, or at least he got thirtyone thintyseconds of an inch from such a claim. Well, Salem must have run out of customers for wonder water. Last week (Salem still has me on his mailing list) I received a packet. On the outside is a note from my old buddy Salem reminding me how good a Christian I am, and he just wanted to share this very special inside information with me.
Also, there was a real nice picture of Salem and his wife, Mary, hugging and grinning. Well, I didn't want to be entirely thoughtless about the thing, so I opened the packet. Inside was a cassette tape telling all about Salem's latest great discovery-- BLUE-GREEN ALGAE. Well, friend, do you know how excited I was to be the recipient of Salem's latest secret discovery. My, my, why I don't think I could get more excited by getting a letter from my other old buddy, Ed McMahyon and Publisher's Clearing House.
So, I popped the tape right into the tape recorder and settled down to hear about it all. After all, that picture of Salem Kirban made him look like he was only 45 years old, and, in fact, he is 70! Perhaps blue-green algae is the secret to long life. Well, the truth soon came out friend. The stuff grows only in Klamath Lake in Oregon. Also, it is not cheap. I suppose I could get my wife's sieve and drag the lake in a row boat, but it's so far away, so I will have to buy the wee beasties from good old Salem. The price is enough to age you 20 years right there. Then you REALLY will need it. Pretty good arrangement I say-- that is, if your name is Salem Kirban.
Well, I listened for a while, and the dude giving the piano coversm up, you know, the guy with the smooth 24 karat voice who was borrowed from Kelly Girl for $23 per hour-- well he claimed that blue-green algae was the "20th and 21st century manna from heaven." I hit the "stop" button and flew into a rage which aged me another 20 years. The nerve, dear Salem! How can you dare to claim that the miracle of God in the King James Bible can now be dragged only from Klamath Lake and sold for the low low price of $45 per ounce? I mean, even Banny Hinn hasn't gone that far.
This is exactly what the Apostle Paul and his fellow prophet Peter prophesied to the youthful pastor, Timothy, and to the Lord's Church. And it is interesting that a modern day prophet is fulfilling the biblical prophecy to a "T". Take notice all of you wonder water junkies and Barley Green addicts:
2 Peter 2:1 But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction. 2 And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of. 3 And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.
1 Timothy 4:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
2 Timothy 3:13 But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived. 14 But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;
Revelation 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.
Watch out for Salem Kirban and all of these drop outs from the Narrow Way. They only want one thing-- your cash. They will sell you any fool thing which you are fool enough to buy, and they will peddle it in the Name of the Carpenter of Nazareth to boot. I say that there is only one thing to do with the junk....
Could we hear from the UK and other countries? Are there such scams going on in your area which are being huckstered by drop outs from the Lord's Church? Send E-Mail please.