WHO ARE CAUSING Y2K--
It is always far more convenient to blame culprits than to prepare for
trouble. In that spirit, Balaam's Ass Speaks is offering this
page of blame for blamed fools.
Everyone knows the true facts of revisionist history:
The Christians came out of the catacombs and burned Rome. Nero was
too nice a guy to do such a thing.
Everyone agreed with the Pope during the Dark Ages-- The Bible believers
and Anabaptists of Europe were the sole cause of the Black Death and the
The Jews destroyed the economy of Germany. The Kaiser could not
possibly have messed up Germany.
The Jews planted every tree in Israel and made it bloom like a rose.
Never mind that some of those olive trees they planted are 400 years
old. Arabs could not possibly have done a thing to cause Palestine
to prosper without a Zionist to hold their hand.
On rare occasions, this pattern is interrupted. The erudite bigot,
Franklin Delano Roosevelt interned Japanese Americans during World War II,
and the anticipated terrorizing of America was averted.
Adolph Hitler had the foresight to gas 6 million Jews and save Germany
from a horrible fate.
So, we now come to Y2K. Who is it that is responsible for Y2K?
Certainly, it is not as simple as the dropping of two digits from the
date of the year in the 1960s. Certainly computer programers would
not cause this when IBM needed more holes freed up on those ancient punch
cards of long ago. No, there is a deeper and more sinister reason.
There is a great conspiracy afoot.
We have learned that Time Magazine, according to one report, and
many talk show experts, have identified the culprits. And who are
But, more specifically, the cause of Y2K is due to the simple Bible faith
of narrow bigoted prophecy believing King James Bible believers. You
see, these terror mongers have been saying for many years that God will one
day judge America. They also have a strange interpretation of the Bible
which says that the USA does not figure in Bible prophecy. So, the
USA must be diminished as the world's center moves to Europe and the Middle
East. Any rational observer knows that the center of the world is Kansas
For this reason, a sinister and shadowy plot has developed. Y2K
was invented by these Bible bigots to destroy the USA. This is why
Bible believing Christians are getting ready for Y2K. This is why Bible
believers are trying to panic America. They want the average Atheist,
agnostic, and bar fly to panic and cause America to fall apart.
Now, we at Balaam's Ass Speaks are deeply concerned about this
undermining of the peace of American Atheists and Liberal Monica molesters.
We have considered a strategy by which the nation can avert this tragic
plunge into panic. Here it is:
1. Ignore all Bible believing Christians.
2. Don't read the Bible. If you have to read the Bible because
you are in some dead beat denomination which still makes an effort to honor
the Bible, just don't read the books of prophetic things like Daniel, Revelation,
Ezekiel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Avoid all the Minor Prophets, The Psalms, Genesis,
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Romans, First and Second Corinthians, First and
Second Thessalonians, and First and Second Peter. Also, whatever you
do, don't read the King James Bible. Read the NIV or the New American
Simple Version. Don't read any Christian books except "The Power of
Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale.
3. Do not take your money out of the bank. Those Christians
are doing that to make you panic and destroy the banking system. Invest
in stocks, especially overseas stocks in small stock exchanges in small countries
like Bangladesh and Napal. Above all else, buy US Government Bonds
and paper. Ignore all suggestions the Treasury and the IRS will not
be ready for Y2K.
4. Don't even consider moving from your secure and stable life in
New York City or Chicago. The farm back in Oklahoma will be much more
dangerous with all those wild Bible believing neighbors raging around.
Move to an urban area and become 100% dependent on bureaucrats to save
you from any troubles in Y2K.
5. Do not save up any food or water. Have a maximum of only
two day's food on the shelf, and depend on the water company to be ready
6. Never consider an alternative power source. Those Christians
who are adding a second electric power source are wildly irrational. Trust
your power company, and believe every assurance they give you that "we have
a team working on it." You KNOW that these seven wise words mean that
they will most certainly be ready for Y2K.
7. Horror of horrors-- How dare you even think of finding a way
to defend yourself during a crisis. Those Bible believers are the ONLY
ones in America who are getting up any self-defense. Trust FEMA, the
BATF, and the Feds in General-- Trust Bill and Hillary Clinton-- They
will send big Al Gore to defend you with a corn stalk from Nebraska.
8. Relax-- Assume this-- ALL concern over Y2K will be
solved by the nations wise and omniscient computer programers long before
December 31. Nothing can go wrong. Embedded chips cannot
be seen anyway-- How could an unseen little bit of epoxy be a big deal?
Buy an airline ticket to be flying as the New Year comes in. If
you cannot do that because all those Christian airline pilots will not fly,
then at least be in an elevator as the New Year rolls in.
The most tragic thing to note is that the first ones to go public on Y2K
were the Center for Strategic International Studies, who are classic high
brows of the business world and the political community. Few if any
of them are Bible believers. Also, FEMA recently told Americans to
get ready for disaster, and FEMA is a Federal Government product of even
tempered agnostics and Atheists. This is so inconsistent, for how can
Christians be blamed for Y2K if the public officials and commercial gurus
go for this myth of national crisis. It is essential to abandon all
preparation for Y2K, and blame Christians for it.
A WORD FROM YOUR FAVORITE BLAME RECIPIENT:
From the Editor: Balaam's Ass Speaks-- You who are
now blaming Bible believing Christians for Y2K-- If ALL of you non-believers,
Atheists, Satanists, agnostics, and Humanists would do NOTHING about Y2K,
nothing would happen-- IF that is, you are right to blame Christians.
I insist that you be consistent. Bible believing Christians are
so small a percentage of the American population that their personal panic
and preparations should simply go unnoticed. You are a bunch of sick
hypocrites to get ready for Y2K and then blame Christians. If you really
believed we Bible believers have hatched and hyped Y2K, you ought to back
off, cruise on in peace, and do NOTHING.
So, rage on. We have heard it all before throughout the past 2000
years. The Church causes all of the world's ills. But, whose
door will you come banging on for a hand out? Who will you trust to
live with in a national collapse? Who has the ethic to help you even
after you have torn their face off? Who will pull a gun on your enemy,
rather than on you? Who will doctor and care for your children
when you flee in insane madness to the wilderness and abandon your family?
History tells you one group will be there-- Those Bible believing
That talk show host who blames Christians for the coming Y2K troubles--
After the 2000 crisis leaves you hungry, will that talk show host take you
into his Malibu mansion? And those Atheist news editors who mock at
Y2K concerns by Christians-- Will Time-Life bring you a loaf of bread
one morning? Did you ever hear of an Atheist soup kitchen? Ever
see an Agnostic General Hospital? How about a Church of Wicca adoption
So, go on and do nothing to get ready for Y2K. Mock at those who
have a store of food and water. But, do remember what the Bible requires
of the Saints in the Lord's Church. It is not automatic that you will
be first in line for a handout at the church door...
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another
with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
(Saints are to take care of saints FIRST.)
Galatians 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity,
let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household
of faith. (The household of Faith comes first, then
You may count on the Lord's Church to be there, but we of Christ's Kingdom
on earth are obligated to take care of each other first. Indeed,
it is a joy to use one's substance in service to God's people. The
texts above make it clear that you are NOT the first consideration. Your
rebellion against God puts you at least in second place. Is this possibly
a thing you already sense? When you blame Christians for
Y2K is it possible that your God hater's conscience is compensating for wicked
rebellion against God Himself? I think so.
As you sense that God IS about to judge America, you hope to divert the
blame for this from your wicked sins and lay it all on the Lord's Church?
You would rather stick your finger in God's eye personally, and you
can't, so you attack the Bible believing saints.
John 15:20 Remember the word that I said unto you,
The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they
will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours
So, your spite and blame of God's children is really based in your hatred
for Christ. Own up to this FACT, and you are on your way to deliverance
from both spiritual doom and the present stress of life in this nation. Or,
maybe you LIKE the rebellion of Bill Clinton. Maybe you like the prospect
of national damnation from a righteous God. Some of you folks love
the soap opera life so much that you would rather suffer the most horrid
deprivations rather than repent and have peace with God. Honey-- Ain't
much I can do fer ya I fear. Here, have a can of beans while you wait
Just in case-- In case you don't like the prospects of your rebellion,
take a look at the GOSPEL page in this
Journal. Read the whole page there, then tell me what you think.