THE CULPRITS--
WHO ARE CAUSING Y2K--
ARE DISCOVERED!

It is always far more convenient to blame culprits than to prepare for trouble.  In that spirit, Balaam's Ass Speaks is offering this page of blame for blamed fools.

Everyone knows the true facts of revisionist history:

The Christians came out of the catacombs and burned Rome.  Nero was too nice a guy to do such a thing.

Everyone agreed with the Pope during the Dark Ages--  The Bible believers and Anabaptists of Europe were the sole cause of the Black Death and the Plague.

The Jews destroyed the economy of Germany.  The Kaiser could not possibly have messed up Germany.

The Jews planted every tree in Israel and made it bloom like a rose.  Never mind that some of those olive trees they planted are 400 years old.  Arabs could not possibly have done a thing to cause Palestine to prosper without a Zionist to hold their hand.

On rare occasions, this pattern is interrupted.  The erudite bigot, Franklin Delano Roosevelt interned Japanese Americans during World War II, and the anticipated terrorizing of America was averted.

Adolph Hitler had the foresight to gas 6 million Jews and save Germany from a horrible fate.

So, we now come to Y2K.  Who is it that is responsible for Y2K?  Certainly, it is not as simple as the dropping of two digits from the date of the year in the 1960s.  Certainly computer programers would not cause this when IBM needed more holes freed up on those ancient punch cards of long ago.  No, there is a deeper and more sinister reason.  There is a great conspiracy afoot.

We have learned that Time Magazine, according to one report, and many talk show experts, have identified the culprits.  And who are they?

Answer:  CHRISTIANS!

But, more specifically, the cause of Y2K is due to the simple Bible faith of narrow bigoted prophecy believing King James Bible believers.  You see, these terror mongers have been saying for many years that God will one day judge America.  They also have a strange interpretation of the Bible which says that the USA does not figure in Bible prophecy.  So, the USA must be diminished as the world's center moves to Europe and the Middle East. Any rational observer knows that the center of the world is Kansas City, Missouri.  

For this reason, a sinister and shadowy plot has developed.  Y2K was invented by these Bible bigots to destroy the USA.  This is why Bible believing Christians are getting ready for Y2K.  This is why Bible believers are trying to panic America.  They want the average Atheist, agnostic, and bar fly to panic and cause America to fall apart.

Now, we at Balaam's Ass Speaks are deeply concerned about this undermining of the peace of American Atheists and Liberal Monica molesters.  We have considered a strategy by which the nation can avert this tragic plunge into panic.  Here it is:

1.  Ignore all Bible believing Christians.

2.  Don't read the Bible.  If you have to read the Bible because you are in some dead beat denomination which still makes an effort to honor the Bible, just don't read the books of prophetic things like Daniel, Revelation, Ezekiel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Avoid all the Minor Prophets, The Psalms, Genesis, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Romans, First and Second Corinthians, First and Second Thessalonians, and First and Second Peter.  Also, whatever you do, don't read the King James Bible.  Read the NIV or the New American Simple Version.  Don't read any Christian books except "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale.  

3.  Do not take your money out of the bank.  Those Christians are doing that to make you panic and destroy the banking system.  Invest in stocks, especially overseas stocks in small stock exchanges in small countries like Bangladesh and Napal.  Above all else, buy US Government Bonds and paper.  Ignore all suggestions the Treasury and the IRS will not be ready for Y2K.

4.  Don't even consider moving from your secure and stable life in New York City or Chicago.  The farm back in Oklahoma will be much more dangerous with all those wild Bible believing neighbors raging around.  Move to an urban area and become 100% dependent on bureaucrats to save you from any troubles in Y2K.

5.  Do not save up any food or water.  Have a maximum of only two day's food on the shelf, and depend on the water company to be ready for Y2K.  

6.  Never consider an alternative power source.  Those Christians who are adding a second electric power source are wildly irrational.  Trust your power company, and believe every assurance they give you that "we have a team working on it."  You KNOW that these seven wise words mean that they will most certainly be ready for Y2K.

7.  Horror of horrors-- How dare you even think of finding a way to defend yourself during a crisis.  Those Bible believers are the ONLY ones in America who are getting up any self-defense.  Trust FEMA, the BATF, and the Feds in General--  Trust Bill and Hillary Clinton-- They will send big Al Gore to defend you with a corn stalk from Nebraska.

8.  Relax--  Assume this--  ALL concern over Y2K will be solved by the nations wise and omniscient computer programers long before December 31.  Nothing can go wrong.  Embedded chips cannot be seen anyway-- How could an unseen little bit of epoxy be a big deal?  Buy an airline ticket to be flying as the New Year comes in.  If you cannot do that because all those Christian airline pilots will not fly, then at least be in an elevator as the New Year rolls in.

The most tragic thing to note is that the first ones to go public on Y2K were the Center for Strategic International Studies, who are classic high brows of the business world and the political community.  Few if any of them are Bible believers.  Also, FEMA recently told Americans to get ready for disaster, and FEMA is a Federal Government product of even tempered agnostics and Atheists.  This is so inconsistent, for how can Christians be blamed for Y2K if the public officials and commercial gurus go for this myth of national crisis.  It is essential to abandon all preparation for Y2K, and blame Christians for it.

A WORD FROM YOUR FAVORITE BLAME RECIPIENT:

From the Editor:  Balaam's Ass Speaks--  You who are now blaming Bible believing Christians for Y2K-- If ALL of you non-believers, Atheists, Satanists, agnostics, and Humanists would do NOTHING about Y2K, nothing would happen-- IF that is, you are right to blame Christians.  

I insist that you be consistent.  Bible believing Christians are so small a percentage of the American population that their personal panic and preparations should simply go unnoticed.  You are a bunch of sick hypocrites to get ready for Y2K and then blame Christians.  If you really believed we Bible believers have hatched and hyped Y2K, you ought to back off, cruise on in peace, and do NOTHING.

So, rage on.  We have heard it all before throughout the past 2000 years.  The Church causes all of the world's ills.  But, whose door will you come banging on for a hand out?  Who will you trust to live with in a national collapse?  Who has the ethic to help you even after you have torn their face off?  Who will pull a gun on your enemy, rather than on you?  Who will doctor and care for your children when you flee in insane madness to the wilderness and abandon your family?  History tells you one group will be there-- Those Bible believing bigots!

That talk show host who blames Christians for the coming Y2K troubles-- After the 2000 crisis leaves you hungry, will that talk show host take you into his Malibu mansion?  And those Atheist news editors who mock at Y2K concerns by Christians-- Will Time-Life bring you a loaf of bread one morning?  Did you ever hear of an Atheist soup kitchen?  Ever see an Agnostic General Hospital?  How about a Church of Wicca adoption center?  

So, go on and do nothing to get ready for Y2K.  Mock at those who have a store of food and water.  But, do remember what the Bible requires of the Saints in the Lord's Church.  It is not automatic that you will be first in line for a handout at the church door...

Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; (Saints are to take care of saints FIRST.)

Galatians 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.  (The household of Faith comes first, then you.)

You may count on the Lord's Church to be there, but we of Christ's Kingdom on earth are obligated to take care of each other first.  Indeed, it is a joy to use one's substance in service to God's people.  The texts above make it clear that you are NOT the first consideration.  Your rebellion against God puts you at least in second place.  Is this possibly a thing you already sense?  When you blame Christians for Y2K is it possible that your God hater's conscience is compensating for wicked rebellion against God Himself?  I think so.  

As you sense that God IS about to judge America, you hope to divert the blame for this from your wicked sins and lay it all on the Lord's Church?  You would rather stick your finger in God's eye personally, and you can't, so you attack the Bible believing saints.

John 15:20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

So, your spite and blame of God's children is really based in your hatred for Christ.  Own up to this FACT, and you are on your way to deliverance from both spiritual doom and the present stress of life in this nation. Or, maybe you LIKE the rebellion of Bill Clinton.  Maybe you like the prospect of national damnation from a righteous God.  Some of you folks love the soap opera life so much that you would rather suffer the most horrid deprivations rather than repent and have peace with God.  Honey-- Ain't much I can do fer ya I fear.  Here, have a can of beans while you wait for damnation.

Just in case--  In case you don't like the prospects of your rebellion, take a look at the GOSPEL page in this Journal.  Read the whole page there, then tell me what you think.

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